Wondy Woman

Catch You On The Flipside!

2007-05-07T09:03:00.000Z

Well, this is it - last cheeky post before I board a jet plane.

I've already checked on the inflite website to see what films are showing - hmm, Music and Lyrics, anyone?

I should coco!

The bad news is this - I've got a huge spot on my cheek so all dreams of looking effortless as I step daintily from the aircraft are out the window.

Damnit.

I have also imported this entire blog over to another (better?) place, but I am waiting to make my official announcement until I am properly sorted and happy with the set-up. Over-cautious or what?

Catch you on the flipside, friends.

Interview With A Fish

2007-05-02T10:29:00.000Z

Ooh, just one more thing, if you do just one thing today - check out Shocking Fish's interview - by yours truly.

He's a fab, fab person - one of my best friends in the whole wide world - and he chose to have me at his fantasy dinner party - bagsy sitting beside Emily Pankhurst!

Great answers SF - you're the cat's meaow!

Normal Service Will Resume Soon - When I'm Sitting On't Beach

2007-05-02T10:12:00.000Z

I have to apologise for sporadic posting (and commenting) - and let you know that it is likely that I won't be back until next week - ironically, when I am on holiday and settled down with a nice fruity cocktail and a flower in my hair.

I will be taking my laptop on my travels this time as I figure that I will take this time to see if I really can write.

Let's just say - check back this time next week and I should be able to regale you with some amusing travel anecdotes and photographs.

In the meantime, here are some shots I took from yesterday's frolick in Bluebell Woods (I went frolicking in Bluebell Woods, see) :

Peace out X

This House

2007-05-02T10:11:00.000Z

Today Wondy Mum finally moves into her new abode. It’s wonderful news and I know she’ll be happy there. I think she knows her new home is ‘the one’ because we both felt it on the day we viewed it.

But even though it’s a happy time, I know it also a sad, hard thing to be going through and I have been thinking of nothing else for the past week. Isn’t it overwhelming how much emotion gets trapped within the four walls of a home?

Your habitat is very rarely just a place to set down your weary head, but a real-life circus tent full of highs, lows and all the bits in-between.

This is how I am feeling at the moment. I can only imagine what WM and Wondy Bro are feeling but at a guess I would say our thoughts aren’t that dissimilar at the moment.

Nearly every childhood memory is intertwined with the history of that house. It has contained every squeal of excitement, every giggle, scraped knee, squabble, and raging argument.

It has been showered with blood, sweat and tears – it was our new start, our future and the place I longed to flee to (and frequently did) as an adult.

I have loved every minute of it and I will never forget what it represents – but I also know that memories only really live in one place and that’s nestled in the warmth of within.

We can keep every one of those memories alive by closing our eyes and going back whenever we like.

So I want to write this post today to let WM know that I love her and that she is not alone. Through the stress and the sorrow – this was totally the right thing to do.

Wedding Belle

2007-04-29T18:14:00.000Z

I am alive and kicking - just. If you were wondering, like.

On second thoughts, perhaps nobody was actually wondering and it's just like when you don't log into your emails for a few days and when you do, there aren't any waiting for you...
(Hmpf).

Anyway, I am here.

(No, over here - I'm the redhead - that's it, yep that's me!)

I've been to a wedding, of Rocker's cousin (and my friend) Cat. She looked lovely and the ceremony was really nice.

I'm not really a gushy sort of wedding lover - so I will just entertain you with a few snapshots of the event - and say this: they are a lovely couple who seem very right for eachother, so I wish them every happiness.

I think I pleased Rocker as well, by promising never to put him through the wedding thing. Not that I don't believe in it per se, it's just right now I don't think it's for me - which is great.

It's good to be able to make the decision not to do something that might be expected of me. I'm happy for anyone who does do it - but I excercise my right not to too, you know?

Anyway, a lovely day was had by all. Until I got a cracker of a migraine (down to my constant squinting due to my increasing short-sightedness, perhaps?) and ended up with my head down the toilet.

Nice.

So I was in bed by 9 pm.

Aren't I the Party Animal?!

Email of the Day

2007-04-27T09:25:00.000Z

From my friend jongtaylor:

"Stellar twins NASA/JPL NEWS RELEASE Posted: March 31, 2007
The double sunset that Luke Skywalker gazed upon in the film "Star Wars" might not be a fantasy. Astronomers using NASA's Spitzer Space Telescope have observed that planetary systems - dusty disks of asteroids, comets and possibly planets - are at least as abundant in twin-star systems as they are in those, like our own, with only one star. Since more than half of all stars are twins, or binaries, the finding suggests the universe is packed with planets that have two suns. Sunsets on some of those worlds would resemble the ones on Luke Skywalker's planet, Tatooine, where two fiery balls dip below the horizon one by one. ------------------------------------------------------ How cool is that!!!"

Gotta love shared geekery, people.

One Question:

2007-04-25T19:17:00.000Z

Who killed Kermie?

Pressing Matters

2007-04-25T17:06:00.000Z

Text of the Day, from Shocking Fish:

"What are your thoughts on latex pants?"

Well, where does one start?

Make Me Up Before You Go-Go

2007-04-25T16:52:00.000Z

I’ve been gripped by the icy hand of reality – if I go for a make-up lesson next Sunday then I shall have to arrive sans make-up – which in itself is not a problem, I do often go bare-faced – but… well, how am I really going to feel when I’m sitting under the scrutiny of a stranger and in the middle of a busy store to boot with my far, far less than perfect complexion shining forth?

I have always, always had poor skin. Except when I was a teenager, oddly enough.

It has been almost the sole reason for my poor self-esteem since I can remember (anything else is down to my huge arse), and it’s no laughing matter to see your face in every photograph marred by horrible, ugly acne. Next to my gorgeous friends I could always see the difference: that they were beautiful and I was not.

As it is now my skin has improved tenfold thanks to the Pill and so has my self-image but there will always be the ugly girl inside me, ready to break through at any point – and she frequently does.

I hate the idea of comparing myself to others. Envy is an ugly, harmful thing to the person feeling it – and I have no time for it.

I want to wish everyone well, for I have my special moments too – and we can’t all be perfect. Yet, when I stand next to some people I feel my soul die.

Which brings me back to this make-up shebang – can I really stomach it? Will the poor girl assigned to ‘doing me up’ run screaming when she sees me naked (facially)?

I know it’s self-indulgent to fret about things like this, and I’m darn lucky to have my health: two eyes, a nose, a mouth – but is it normal to look in the mirror and see someone so hideously ugly one day – and normal the next.

I think the answer here is yes. And I’m just a normal girl…

Posing 101 - With Lindsay Lohan

2007-04-25T12:43:00.000Z

These pictures just crack me up.

In other news, the Benefit make-up lesson is booked for a week's time - actually the day before we fly to Thailand - so expect an enthusiastic Before and After!

Muppets

2007-04-25T10:59:00.000Z

By A Beautiful Revolution (as always)

I've Just Read This Book...

2007-04-25T10:50:00.000Z

... it was fab.

That is all.

Smug, Moi?

2007-04-24T18:31:00.000Z

Would it be uncouth of me to chant:

Less than two weeks to go! Less than two weeks to go! Less than two weeks to go!

(in a goofish tone, with proper arm flapping and everything?)

*Ahem*

This time in two weeks, Rocker and I will be in Thailand, trailing our remarkably heavy rucksacks behind us: me probably muttering obscenities under my breath and he, marching ahead, unyielding in his mission to get to wherever it is we are going.

(I hate having to actually move my rucksack, it's ok when it's on a trolley or on the floor, but moving it? Hmpf.)

As it happens I think we'll be making our way from Bangkok Airport to Koh Samui Airport then to some sort of accommodation. I should imagine by then I won't care if I wake up in a cow shed...

Then the next morning it'll be a lunchtime ferry crossing to Koh Phangan where we will be met on the pier by our little friend, Rong - who is insistent he'll be there to meet us.

Can't wait.

You know I can't wait to go exploring again, I can't wait to learn some more of the language, visit some temples, write something and take photographs like there's no tomorrow.

I just can't wait.

In other news, Rocker's sister, Holly and I are going for free Benefit make-up lessons a week Saturday - maybe they'll break me out of my old drag-queen habits?

Interview With A Vamp - Part 3

2007-04-20T14:21:00.001Z

Third time's a charm…

Interviewer: the divine Chica, interviewee: Me!

What was your favourite subject at school and why?

I was best at English and I loved my teacher, Mr. Dobson because he encouraged me to write for fun and told me I had a real talent (ha) – so that was my favourite class because I got to read interesting things and write to my heart’s content.

Does Rocker read your blog?

No he doesn’t. I have never hidden it from him and he has read it before but he decided he didn’t want to read it because it is so personal to me and he felt like he was reading my diary.

I generally don’t write anything that might offend him though, just in case – and I don’t generally mention him in my blog because I feel like I’m talking about him behind his back.

Kate Moss: zero or hero?

Ooh a tough one!

Kate Moss to me is one of the most beautiful women in the world and she deserves serious snaps for two things:

1) Her dress sense. She throws things together like nobody else and always, always scrubs up well,

And b) the simplest thing in the world: she has the sense to never open her mouth, thus creating an enigma. Even whilst being busted doing something terrible, she has never said a word about it, never gives interviews and is never caught uttering something stupid at the opening of an envelope.

It’s genius.

However. I don’t think you can really call her a hero just for that. She doesn’t look like a nice person, she doesn’t look like she can make you wet yourself for laughing, she goes out with an absolute loser, which isn’t setting the best example to her daughter – in short, I think she’s beautiful – but she ain’t no hero to me.

What is your very favourite piece of clothing and why?

I’m no clotheshorse and I hardly ever dress up in nice clothes because I don’t get the opportunity (or I don’t make the opportunity) so I might as well say, I love my jeans.

I don’t have any one piece of clothing that never fails, sadly.

But! There’s a big but coming…

I love a nice accessory and I love statement jewellery – and have lots of faves. I like Perspex bangles and rings, chunky necklaces and I have a really beautiful new bracelet shaped like an octopus that Heather sent me, which I am in love with.

(see below)

What has been your best birthday celebration?

This is easy! I celebrated my 21st in a town called Bundaberg in Queensland, Australia – and I ended up jumping into a fountain in the town centre in my bra with this Canadian bloke I really, really fancied. It was superb!

Basically, I was in Bundaberg for about three months picking sweet corn and peppers for a living and on my birthday we were supposed to work, but rain called it off – so my backpacking buddies and I went to the beauty shop and had our hair and nails done, I bought a new top and then in the evening they threw me a party at the local pub – and we rocked on into the night.

There are pictures – and I look horrendous in all of them – but I had the best time.

And at the end of the night I totally threw myself at the Canadian guy I fancied, but passed out before I got to his lips. Hmmm. We never did get it on after that…

Loved every minute and those were the days, etc.

Thank babe, I enjoyed this - Chica's interview by me, coming soon...

Dinnerladies

2007-04-20T10:52:00.000Z

In the grand tradition of ripping off my friends and jumping on the bandwagon, I bring you my very own fantasy dinner party line-up:

The 6 lucky people I would invite are, in no order of preference…

Barbra Streisand – She has long been my hero, as an actress and as a singer. I would probably just sit beside her staring, because I should imagine she has a great presence and she is the original Funny Girl.

Woody Allen – For his sense of humour (and so I can try on his glasses whilst chatting about how he made such a masterpiece of Annie Hall).

Tim Burton – I am in love with his vision and he is my favourite film director.

Alfred Hitchcock – Does this need an explanation? This man was a mystery to me and I want him there so I can pick his brains.

Haruki Murakami – My favourite author and an all round (I believe) fascinating guy. I’d seat him on my other side and ask him for advice on my ‘writing’.

Julian Barratt – Slightly biased as I have been sleeping with him for the past few nights in my subconscious, but in my opinion, he is the genius behind The Mighty Boosh and I love him as Howard Moon. The Boosh is my favourite comedy in a long time, if not ever – so I want to spend my time in his company, soaking him up.

Now, what to cook?

Wrong? Or So Very Very Right?

2007-04-19T22:09:00.000Z

Is it wrong that I keep having erotic dreams about Howard Moon?

I can't help it, geeky guys make me hot.

Grrrrrr.

Interview With A Vamp - Part 2

2007-04-19T18:08:00.000Z

I enjoyed being interviewed so much that I asked me old mucker Shocking Fish to do me - and he has! (Not literally - fnar fnar).

As follows:

If you could change one thing in the world what would it be and why?

I would like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony…

(Tumbleweed)

I suppose the obvious answer would be to change this hostile world we live in, into one of peace – and it would be nice but war happens for a reason and I have no idea how to change that. I’d like to think violence could be replaced by a good old-fashioned talking to – but I don’t know for sure.

So I’ll say if I could change one thing it would be women’s negative attitudes to themselves.

I’d like the fashion industry to take responsibility for its part in the Size 00 debate and refuse to use underweight models; I would go around doing my own self-esteem road shows and I would seriously like to look at sizing in UK shops as well…

I’d like women of all ages to learn to love themselves – and it has to be possible!
If you where to become ruler of the world would you be a ruthless dictator or a kind hearted leader and why?

I would most definitely be a kind-hearted leader with a nice sideline in ruthlessness when needed… I would hate to be ruler of the world though so I’d probably crack under the pressure, start dressing like a bag lady and talking to myself.

Start…? Ha.
Do you believe in Keith Chegwin?

There is no doubt in my mind that he is real and that he was sent by Xenu to heal us. He’s like the Easter Bunny and Santa all rolled into one, but more naked.
The world is your stage, what is your talent?

I’d say I’m a natural comedian (boom boom) but my real talent lies in detracting negative attention away from others by dropping stuff and taking the mick out of myself.

I also make great cheese on toast and am quite good at colouring inside the lines.

Hard to answer, because I really have no idea in the slightest!
Milk, Milk, Lemonade round the back fudge is made, but who was the last person to add a little sparkle to your life and how did they do it?

There are many people who add sparkle to my everyday life: Shocking Fish himself, Heather, all my Blogger friends, Rocker… but I have to say the person who has added the most recently is my luminous friend, Fragglehump who I never fail to have fun with.

She totally accepts that I am a dufus, encourages me to take snapshots of everything and loves me like a fiend. And she has been there recently when I was upset about something, despite the fact that her life is way more hectic than mine at the moment.

And I also want to do a special mention to my new friend Beanie, who I have been lucky enough to meet through Fragglehump and whom I also dig – because we have the same sense of humour and she is just beautiful.

Even though I don’t know her well, I know she is going through something unbelievably hard but she still has a smile and a positive outlook – which is incredible.

Inspiration? Not ‘arf.

Thanks SF - I love yoooooooo!

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

2007-04-19T13:06:00.000Z

Yeehah!

Interview With A Vamp

2007-04-19T09:14:00.000Z

You might have already seen this “Interview Other Bloggers” meme floating around, but if not, the basic gist of it is that another Blogger writes 5 questions for you and you answer them.

It’s dead simple, like.

Here are my questions as posed by Heather:

Where and how did you and Rocker meet?

Rocker and I met at work in 2002, whilst we were both working for a cable company. I had just come out of something very messy with somebody else and we caught each other’s eye.

We arranged a date but unfortunately had a blazing row before we actually went on it and ended up not going.

We did become good friends after that shaky start though and remained so for a few months, whilst we both dated other people. Then one day something clicked and we got it on.

That was five years ago.

We are not a perfect couple by any stretch of the imagination (I don’t believe there is such a thing) but we have been through a lot together and we love each other.

So there.
If you could do anything in the world and money didn't matter, what would you choose?

I would go back to school, travel the world (see question 4) and then when I was ready to settle back down again I would be running my own business, which would be a comic shop in Canada, probably Toronto, where I started.

It would be a comic/book store with a coffee shop and I would encourage people to sit and browse all day. I would do it for the love of being a geek and I would embrace anybody who stopped by.

I’d also be taking photography and art classes in the evenings.
Okay, so why aren't you doing that?

Money does matter, so that’s why I’m not doing those things. Maybe one-day things will change but right now I don’t have what I need to start my own business – or to give it all up to become a mature student.
If you could travel to anywhere, other than Thailand, where would you choose?

Japan (Tokyo and Osaka) would be my dream trip. I would also sell my soul for the opportunity to do a road trip across America in a classic car.

There are so many amazing places I want to visit so I will simply list them:

Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
Reykjavik, Iceland
Beijing, China
Mexico City, Mexico
Calcutta, India
If you weren't a redhead, what would you be?

I’d like to be a raven-haired beauty and that is what I would chose if I weren’t a redhead – but I wouldn’t actually change it for the world.

Other people might comment that I really should have been blonde – I can be a bimbo sometimes, and no mistake.

OK, so those were my five.

Here are the rules, if you’d like to participate:

Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me!”
I will respond by e-mailing you five questions. I get to pick them, and you have to answer them all.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Don't forget to post the rules!

UPDATE: I would also like to travel to:

Santiago, Chile
San Jose, Costa Rica
The Congo
Reykjavik, Iceland
Warsaw, Poland
Moscow, Russia
Madagascar
The Seychelles
Casablanca, Morocco

Nurturing Nature

2007-04-18T11:38:00.000Z

So far this week I have learnt the correct way in which to catch a rabbit, the incorrect way in which to catch a rabbit (apparently screaming whenever it comes near is a no-no) and how to bath a thoroughbred (I did one all by myself).

I have also learnt that it's impossible for a horse to throw up, but that's another story.

I'm not a country girl by any stretch but I enjoy being in the country, soaking up the fresh air and learning what I can about the differences.

This weekend we're helping to run an Equestrian stall at a horse show in Sherwood Forest. Robin Hood country, baby!

Photos to follow.

All Is Full Of Love

2007-04-17T21:51:00.000Z

Today was heart-themed:

Size 00

2007-04-17T21:03:00.000Z

I've just bitten my tongue in outrage whilst reading Heat - no, not another Mariah Carey pictorial, oh no - much worse:

Superskinny Me: The Race To Size Double Zero.

Erm, ex-squeeze me?

Last month the UK Size 4 was the size de jour, now the media is telling me that even that ain't thin enough?

Should I just go to a surgeon and have my skin removed to cut out all the starving and self-hatred so I can fit into a UK 2?

Is it even possible, even in your bare bones to be that skinny?

I'm reaching for a biscuit as we speak - I am sick of being made to feel like a circus freak for being curvy.

I'm a Size 16 (at least) and I really couldn't give a fuck anymore. There I said it.

I am large and I don't hate myself - Shock! Horror!

I'm going to pin up this photograph on my wall (I don't have a wall!) and I'm going to remind myself every day that happiness is more important that a pair of Size 2 hotpants:

I know who looks the most fun in this trio - and I also know that Kate may be beautiful, but she looks like she has a stick up her ass.

Fuck you whoever is responsible for the 00 dress size.

I Want Never Gets

2007-04-15T17:19:00.000Z

I am in love - with a dark, sleek stranger...

The Canon EOS 400D.

Ain't he a beaut? (One day...)

Something Inside So Strong

2007-04-15T16:17:00.000Z

My friend Chris made this. I think it's hysterical.

Today Has Been A Load Of...

2007-04-12T19:21:00.000Z

ARSE.

Actually, it would be unfair to write off the entire day - as we have had some fun in Nottingham today.

I bought some £1 knickers from Primark.

I must say, should I ever find myself knocking about up North looking for somewhere to settle, like a tumbleweed searching for security - I might consider living there.

Then again, I might not.

But if I did, I do believe it has everything to offer me.

Plain Jane

2007-04-11T21:46:00.000Z

I have a confession to make and it may cause the world to spin over-dramatically off its axis - so prepare yourselves for a jolt:

I do not like Jane Austen. Or rather I am not a fan of her works.

I am not a real woman.

That is all.

My Tuppence Worth

2007-04-11T21:11:00.000Z

What I Thought Of The Three Movies I Watched Recently:

Junebug

Amazing. Amy Adams really did deserve that Oscar nom, she's luminous. Not a lot of storyline but that doesn't even matter, because it's a gorgeous little indie movie with fantastic performances from everyone.

Lovely. The kind of movie I wish I could make.

The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things

A weird one, because there's no happy ending - there's nothing really happy in this at all. It tells the story of Jeremiah, who is dragged up screaming my his f**ked up mother, Sarah - who abandons him as often as she snatches him away from any semblance of normality. All the horrific things that could happen to a child do happen to Jeremiah - and I'm just not sure if I liked the movie.

It's based on the book by J.T. LeRoy, which I read and there's a sequel called Sarah, so maybe there'll be a sequel to the movie too, so you don't feel so left in the air and helpless but, hmmm.

It's crude and jarring - but it's well acted. And there is some cool animation in it.

Palindromes

Probably my favourite of the lot. Very very weird and surreal - and hard to follow if you don't stay with it, because in each section the main character, Aviva, is played by a drastically different actress.

Basically, Aviva just wants to have a baby and will stop at nothing to get pregnant, with sad consequences.

Plus Todd Solondz directed it and I'm a long-term fan of his work.

See it, it's cool. But weird.

Dare To Dream

2007-04-11T18:52:00.000Z

Re: Yesterday's Post

I got this marvellous comment from me old mucker BK:

"You don't have to want to be an artist. You are one. Just start creating things and it gets easier and easier to keep doing it and your head starts making more sense. You will be great in this life. You have passion."

How cool is she? And how wise?

Despite what people might think, I am loving my life at the moment. Sure I have no money, no job and nowhere permanent to live - but it's at times like this you start to learn who you can rely on in life.

I feel somewhat stressed at times, with the constant queries from the Immigration Monkeys, sure - but when I feel guilty about taking a year out of the rat-race, I have to remind myself that actually, I am doing something huge.

I am trying to move to another country to start a new life. That's pretty cool.

And after everything, even if it fails, I know I'll survive - because I have a fantastic support network.

So to all my lovely friends, to the Fragglehumps, Heathers, Rainy Petes, BKs and Shocking Fishs of this world I say: without you I am nothing.

And don't even get me started on the Peanut Queens or the Chicas...

Mission Impossible

2007-04-10T13:41:00.000Z

Boy do I know this to be true!

How I love to dream but somehow never end up getting anywhere.

Life has a nasty tendancy of spoiling all the fun and sitting down dead in the way of what you want to do and all the fun you plan to have.

Responsibility is inevitable if you're to get on in life but it can be so dull and it can turn you into a nervy old nag before you even realise it - and all your creative juices have been squeezed out from within you, leaving just a flaky husk.

More than once a day I hear myself whispering to my inner-self, "This is the life you are supposed to lead, and that isn't you." I usually quash it and carry on regardless, but the voice is right.

I am far more creative than I let myself be. I don't concentrate on the things I love, I leave them half-finished by the wayside when drama drags me into it's whirlpool - and when I've finally pulled myself out, sopping wet and miserable - I forget what I was even doing.

I want to be an artist, I want to use my hands, my eyes (when they work!) - I want to express myself in as many ways as possible - and these past few weeks I have been doing just that.

Encouragement from my friends means the world, and when they praise me I know I'm doing something right, because they wouldn't lie to me.

Take for instance, photography. I may not even have an eye and my shots may suck really, but I'm in love with capturing moments and I want to concentrate on that.

I might see how I can go about doing a photographic course, and learn a few of the basics. I wouldn't mind starting completely from scratch - as I know next to nothing on the technical side.
I wish now I had paid more attention whilst gaining my GCSE in Photography!

And one day I will be able to buy myself a real camera.

Depressed Doodle By A Beautiful Revolution

Everyone's A Photographer

2007-04-08T18:43:00.000Z

Back to being more profound next week, I promise. I know I haven't been very verbal of late.

Maybe that's a good thing?! More photographs of the week here (if you're interested, like).

Rabbit, Rabbit

2007-04-08T08:18:00.000Z

Happy Easter my little fun bunnies!

I am going to walk the dog, visit a castle, eat a roast dinner and somehow, at some point, fit in time to gorge myself stupid on some chocolate eggs.

Good day.

Bean

2007-04-06T21:40:00.000Z

Today I was subjected to Mr. Bean's Holiday at the flicks - and while I was veering more towards spending time on Blades of Glory - I actually loved it and couldn't stop gurning like a buffoon at the screen for the entire duration.

Who doesn't love Rowan Atkinson?

The movie is almost completely silent, which when you think about it, is pretty darn genius. To do such a physical role without dialogue must be exhausting, but the film could translate into any language and anyone could get the gist.

We Brits sho' do good comedy, I must admit (all smug).

Is now the time to throw casually into the mix the fact that I find Rowan Atkinson strangely attractive? I know, I know - it's just ever since "Blackadder II", there's been something about him.

Odd.

In other news, we've walked the dog twice on the beach, visited Yesterday's World (they have a new Royal Room - and I snuggled with a Prince) and enjoyed a bacon sarnie in our local beach cafe.

It's been such a retro seaside holiday - you can't beat them.

My Day In Pictures

2007-04-05T19:12:00.000Z

Because I'm too Cream-Crackered to write much!

Apparently, this is what owning a dog is like - imagine how thin I would be if I owned my own...

*Stares wistfully into the middle-distance...*

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

2007-04-04T12:21:00.000Z

This week = worst week of my life. Bar none.

By A Beautiful Revolution

Standing In The Way Of Control - CONTROL

2007-04-02T13:15:00.000Z

Can I just say how much I LOVE Beth Ditto?

She is the antedote.

WondyBug

2007-04-02T12:49:00.000Z

I am so psyched!

(Always wanted a reason to say that!)

I just picked up three fantastic Indie films for just £2 each at Blockbuster.

OK, they are ex-rental titles but I couldn't give a flying fuck about that - I just can't wait to settle down and have my indie-fest!

I got: Junebug, Palindromes and the film version of the book, The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things (which I found agonising to read, but loved).

So that's good.

The sun is also shining so I am trying to cultivate a positive outlook after our horrific start to the weekend and get in the Easter holiday mood.

As of tomorrow, I will be official Dog/Cat/Housesitter for the Queen of Bling, who lives in the most amazing house - with a secret garden tucked around the back.

You wait.

I will try to take a shedload of photos of my week to share with you, my readers.

Heart Breaker

2007-04-01T16:47:00.000Z

Friday started with a high octane Run Lola Run dash from Fragglehump's to Worthing Hospital for this Wonder Woman, as Rocker was admitted for 'tests'.

Apparently, after an ECG at the GP's for a pain in his arm, they found 'irregularities' and he was rushed, in an ambulance (without the weeooo weeooos, admittedly), to the EAU.

That's Emergency Assessment Unit, Fact Fans.

He is fine and they have found it was more a strain than a real chest-buster but let me tell you, I never want to go through that again and I'm pretty sure neither do the rest of Rocker's family.

Or Wondy Mum.

So, as we could both do with a little sprucing up, we are both going to start excercising regularly, and cutting down things like our cholesterol and fat intake.

Incidently, I have found that my natural reaction to stress and the shock of thinking I'm about to lose my boyfriend, is to completely fall to pieces in the back seat of a cab and have the driver have to comfort me.

"Could be worse love, he coulda been found face down on the carpet a few days later, know what I mean?".

He was fantabulous, and I love him.

Never again.

Nooo Shooos

2007-03-31T09:46:00.000Z

"Oh, short on money, but long on time, slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine, and i'm running late, and i dont need an excuse, 'cause i'm wearing my brand new shoes." Paolo Nutini.

I am still alive and I've got new shoes!

I have been incredibly busy these past few days and have not even had time to fart (not really, there's always time to fart) - and it is not as you have all surely suspected: that I was kidnapped by an elite Ninga training organisation, who want to teach me in the ways of the dragon (I prefer hippo, myself).

Once trained I will become their leader/mascot and together we will tour the South East of England (opening to more venues across the country as our popularity grows), recruiting cute boys and testing the elasticity of our lycra jumpsuits.

Sometimes I wish this would happen to me, but alas I am just busy and have to cut down on my internet and crumpet intake at least until next week.

So have a great weekend and I will catch you on the flipside. Word.

Rock On!

2007-03-29T09:19:00.000Z

Four Things You May Not Know About Me

2007-03-28T12:05:00.001Z

I got sent this in an email, so I might as well fill it in, for the heck of it.

Four jobs I have had in my life

Turkey Plucker (lasted half an hour, quit before I even plucked one feather from a turkey)
Care Assistant in a home for the Mentally Ill
Fruit picker & packer
Receptionist

Four movies I would watch over and over

The Wizard of Oz
Flawless
White Chicks
Footloose

Four shows I love

Sex & the City
Spaced
Six Feet Under
The Sopranos

Four places I have lived

Bexhill-on-Sea
Brighton
Worthing
Australia

Four of my favourite foods are

Sushi
Roast lamb
Nachos
Chinese food

Four places I have been on vacation

Thailand
Australia
Amsterdam
Barcelona

Four places I would rather be right now

Thailand
In bed
On a road trip around America
Shopping in the Laines, Brighton (luckily I am doing that tomorrow)

So there you have it!

Spot On

2007-03-28T11:06:00.000Z

Some girls dream of Brad Pitt, George Clooney, that fit one out of Step Up with the stupid name.
I wake up from my slumber all rosy cheeked and sheepish, because I've been making out with Simon Pegg.

Go figure.

If I remember correctly we were both cops and the sexual tension was out of this world and then finally right before I woke - We. Got. It. On.

Oh yeah!

Well, I have just been to see Hot Fuzz - and Shaun of the Dead was on the telly the other night - so methinks I'm having Pegg Overload.

Not that I mind, I like a geeky boy as much as the next girl - and I love me some Pegg action.

Anyway, somewhere half-way through the dream he went and had it off with Dawn Swann from EastEnders, so the romance was hardly destined for success.

In other news, tomorrow I have a date with a beautiful girl (Fragglehump) and I have the most mahoosive spot on my nose. Can you believe that?

I fail to leave the house for nearly a week at a time and have the skin of a newborn - and as soon as I make plans my face decides to halt me with a fresh outcrop of hideousness.

Hmpf.

Right, got lots and lots to do today so I'm off.

Laterz.

Best News... Ever!

2007-03-27T16:48:00.000Z

Roll on Series 3!

Ace

2007-03-27T13:29:00.000Z

Doodle by A Beautiful Revolution (which rocks. Hard.)

Sun Is Shining, Weather Is Sweet

2007-03-27T13:11:00.000Z

As of half an hour ago the majority of the packing has been done. Well, I say 'done' - the first stage is done. I never realised I had so much stuff.

Well, actually, as I have given most of it away I don't actually have that much at all, just books and lots and lots of DVDs which will be put into storage this weekend.

Not much to show for nearly 30 years, huh? Though I quite fancy the idea of living the kind of life than can be packed up at the drop of a hat and whisked of to somewhere exotic.

*sigh*

Now I'm sitting with a cup of tea gazing out into the back garden, just enjoying the beautiful day we are having.

The first really really nice day we have had this year so far.

*double sigh*

Beauty, Redefined

2007-03-26T18:35:00.000Z

This afternoon I was inspired to go and have a look at Jpg Magazine's Beauty Redefined project (which just happens to be sponsored by The Suicide Girls).

For those not familiar, the SGs are described thusly: "a throwback to the glamourous pin-up days, the models are beautifully imperfect, artistically bent emo, goth and punk rockers".

And while I am not about to start wearing pvc, I do believe in their message.

Beauty Refined says: "Every generation redefines what is beautiful, but ours has taken it to a whole new level. This theme invites you to throw out traditional notions of beauty and start over from scratch, redefining beauty for yourself."

Subsequently, whilst browsing I submitted my own image - not in the belief that I am beautiful - but just to join in the movement.

I know that every person out there has something beautiful about them, whether they fit the size zero, blonde hair, blue-eyed mould or not.

I, for one, certainly do not and I'm finally getting to grips with that.

(BTW, you can vote for me here, you know, if you want to - if you don't then that's cool too.)

Incidently, I chose this image because it is the one photograph of myself that I actually love. I'm not sure why!

Crank

2007-03-26T11:47:00.000Z

I awoke this morning with that feeling that follows a horrific nightmare.

I can't remember the details of my dream but I know it involved hippos and lots of water and it was scary.

The fact that we have had to turn the clocks forward, losing one hour in bed has not been lost on me, or my body - which is crying out for extra time - thus ensuring that I sleep in too late and wake in a cranky mood, unwilling to do anything but eat crisps and stare unblinkingly at the PC monitor, while the cat's stomach rumbles beside me.

I had a grand plan to paint my face and go climbing the apple tree in the back garden first thing this morning for the perfect photo op for my Three/Six/Five, but then I just couldn't be bothered.

So I will do two creative things tomorrow instead.

Anyone Else Excited?

2007-03-25T18:11:00.000Z

Cowabunga, Dude!

*steps aside for tumbleweed to pass*

Cook Off

2007-03-25T17:39:00.000Z

I am seriously contemplating doing a few courses when I get to Thailand.

They do Thai massage (stop giggling, you) and Thai cookery, you can book them through some of the ticket offices when you get there.

We met a nice French lady last time in Chaing Mai who skipped off to do one. She disappeared off at some ungodly hour one morning to learn what to do with Thai spices and finely chopped chillis.

Or something.

Wait, have I just blogged about doing a cookery class?

*pinch, pinch*

Am I even awake?

I am also thinking of seeing if there is such a thing as a spiritual course I can take. A sort of Buddhism 101.

I know I can walk into a temple at any time on the island and I know that the monks there are usually super nice and after you've dealt with all their football needs, are more than happy to chat.

I just wonder if there is a way I can study some of their teachings once I'm there.

This, I will investigate.

Laugh The World Laughs With You

2007-03-25T12:25:00.000Z

Sorry for the absence this weekend. Have been... well, actually - doing Sweet FA - but enjoying the weekend and the fairly fair weather.

Saw a movie, made plans with a friend, been there for Wondy Mum, seen my brother, packed some stuff up - getting ready to put our things into storage next weekend.

This afternoon I am so cross about something and someone that I can barely bring myself to post, in case I explode verbally.

I don't want to even go into the hows and whys because it's not fair on anyone and the person will possibly read it. And they just wouldn't understand my fury, because they never do.

So I'm going to be impossibly zen about the whole situation and let it go. Flush my body of negative vibes and free myself.

Instead I am going to tell you that, because I am always one for a slow reaction, I finally got to see Hot Fuzz last night, despite it already having been in the cinemas for at least four years (weeks).

Loved it. Love Simon Pegg. It was brilliant and laugh-out-loud funny - which apparently the man sitting in front of me would agree with, as he snorted and guffawed (greatest word ever invented?) his way through it.

I wanted to be annoyed with him for being so noisy but most of me admired him for being so free with his laughter. People were staring at him and his wife kept poking him and shhhhhhushing him - and still he kept on laughing like a loon, and I admire that.*

Let the loons laugh on and the world might one day be a better place.

(*This might have something to do with that fact that as a child I thought I was abnormal because I couldn't laugh out loud. Happy to say I have more than made up for that now...)

The Art of War

2007-03-23T14:23:00.000Z

Sometimes you've just got to slap on the war paint and go get on with it...

(Collage by Heather)

For more 365 tomfoolery - go here and here...

Me Love You Long Time

2007-03-22T14:23:00.000Z

The only news I have for you today, my dear friends, is that from the beginning of May, this blog will be brought to you from the sunny beaches of South East Asia.

Thailand beckons, baby and I'ma going back!

Our gorgeous friend Rong rang yesterday afternoon and was given the news, to which he grew rather quiet - I think it was over-emotion what caused it, as he kept whispering 'I miss you, I miss you' and 'I have so many stories to tell you'.

So the tickets are booked and we're almost ready to go - and I for one can't wait.

It's so much easier to be creative in a tropical setting and now we have made real friends out there it feels less like a holiday and more like going home.

I am going to take full advantage of the situation and write until my hands fall off.

Get Into The Hoof

2007-03-21T15:01:00.000Z

Every day I wake up and feel guilty for not having a job. Isn't it funny?

I worked non-stop and without a break in two jobs for a year and the minute I take a breather to do a bit of travelling and have some 'me' time - I feel guilty.

I have looked for a job but there's nothing really out there (not here anyway) - and it's not like I'm not doing anything with my time, I've been doing a little bit of reviewing for Shocking Fish and it's been good to be there for family and friends when they've needed it.

I'm going to stop feeling guilty - this time will be my student time, my time to reassess, to learn, to live cheaply, to see the world, to speak to people, to be free - because Buddha knows I'll soon be back in the rat race, probably back to working two jobs again and being so tired when I get home that I fall asleep on the sofa by ten thirty.

Every single night.

In other news, I have become obsessed with my feet and have been pumice stoning and massaging and pampering them solidly for two days.

My feet really get me down. If I could have them removed and swapped for hooves, I would.

I am a typical Sagittarius, afterall.

Witche's Tit

2007-03-21T00:12:00.000Z

It is so bitterly cold here that I have a Beddy Bear strapped to my left boob just to ease the pain of a frozen nip.

Oddly it seems just to be effecting the one side - but it is agonising and I have found myself crippled over on more than one occasion this evening.

I am such a wimp.

Why oh why can't the weather sort itself out? On a day to day basis I don't know whether to reach for the bikini or the snow boots.

Sort it out, Mother Nature - wouldja please?

In other news, Daniel Craig had better not wander about round my way on his own this evening, or I'll be forced to drag him in by the hair and keep him locked up for the next two weeks (should be sufficient, methinks).

Wondy Mum's Mother's Day gift was Casino Royale on DVD and it was fab.

I wasn't really feeling DC as Bond to be honest, that's not to say he's not lush and a good actor - it's just I think he'll maybe take another few Bond movies to settle in.

Was impressed though.

Right, I'm off to read about lesbians and very gay gentlemen in post war London.

Nighty night.

Doctor Beat

2007-03-20T10:21:00.000Z

My doctor said the word 'sh*t' in our consultation yesterday - I was quite taken aback but also humbled, because I always always feel the fear before entering a doctor/dentist/nurse's office - and it put me at ease.

I went in armed with my trusty 'Could You Be Diabetic?' leaflets to throw him from waffling on about my weight - I thought if I mentioned it first it would save him the effort of lecturing me, and save me the feeling of worthlessness at the end of the session.

He checked my BP (perfect, suckas) and when I said "I know I'm overweight, you don't have to say anything", he sort of shrugged and said, "What makes you think that?"

To which I said "Well, erm I know I need to lose at least three stone and I'm the wrong side of 25 now and with a history in the family I want to nip any nastiness in the bud before it's too late..."

He said: "OK, well how do you think you will go about this?"
I said: "Eat less, excercise more?"
He said: "Hmmmm..."
I said: "Yeaaaaaahahahahahh."
He: "Well, do you watch Gillian McKeith?"
I: "Hell yeah, I love her!"
He: "Yeah!"
I: "I don't care if she's not a 'real doctor' - she rocks."
He: "Well, actually I don't think it matters if she's a doctor or not - it's all in the results."
I: (silently mouthing) "I love you."
He: "But she scares the sh*t out of me."
I: (thinking): HE SAID SH*T!!

So we waffled about Gillian for a few minutes, in which we both agreed it was pretty much all down to the excercise and not drinking, or eating the crap fats - which we all know anyway, but I can never resist - and I skipped off happy as a bumblebee into the sunset.

Always trust a man, especially a doctor, who swears. And wears red shoes because he's bored of the usual men's selection in shoe shops.

Yeah.

Ps. By the way, it was a routine check-up for the pill, I have them every six months, so nothing untoward to worry about there, I promise.

Boosh for Comic Relief

2007-03-20T10:10:00.001Z

For those of you who couldn't join in the Comic Relief fun on Friday, I give you - The Boosh!

Happy Wondy Mum's Day

2007-03-18T08:59:00.000Z

Happy, Happy Mother's Day to my most favourite of ladies: Wondy Mum!

I love and admire you more than you will ever know, and although I'm not with you today, I am in spirit and am thinking of you.

Now put your feet up and relax and I will cook you dinner tomorrow.

Love you, Mum x

I Heart RND

2007-03-17T15:58:00.000Z

Red Nose Day rocked yesterday, with Tara PT winning Comic Relief does Fame Academy hands down, Daniel Craig & Catherine Tate, The Mighty Boosh (especially the Boosh) and tons more cream of British comedy doing their bit to make us laugh.

Let us not forget though that it is all for charidee - and if we can, get ourselves to the the website to donate what we can, it's never too late.

It's all for a good cause, honest g'uv.

And here is a totally un-necessary, but relevant picture of Noel Fielding just for the hell of it, because I fancy the pants off him:

Meme Time

2007-03-15T23:21:00.000Z

Stolen from the Peanut Queen – because she has all the best stuff lately!

Here are the instructions:

1) Go to Wikipedia
2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year
3) List three events that happened on your birthday
4) List two important birthdays and one death
5) One holiday or observance (if any)
6) Tag 5 other bloggers to complete

Here goes...

Events:
1940 - Woody Woodpecker first appears, in the film "Knock Knock"
1963 - President John F. Kennedy is buried at Arlington National Cemetery
1980 - No Más Fight: Sugar Ray Leonard regains the WBC world welterweight boxing title in a bout against Roberto Duran

Births:
1965 - Dougray Scott, Scottish television and film actor
1971 - Christina Applegate, American actress (gotta LOVE Christina!)

Death:
1974 - Nick Drake, British singer and songwriter (b. 1948)

Holiday:
International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women (yey!)

Tagged:
Anyone who wants to do this – but I would like to see Shocking Fish's answers.

Own It, Own It - Work It

2007-03-15T22:31:00.000Z

I so want Tara PT to win Comic Relief does Fame Academy and if she doesn't... well, I will scream and scream and scream. Until I am sick.

Farewell My Concubine

2007-03-15T12:02:00.000Z

Last night I retired to the boudoir with a migraine at 9pm and slept until 10am this morning.

13 hours of fitful sleep, in which time I dreamt I was the newest concubine of a cruel Chinese man.

WTF?

Yes, concubine.

Except that I got told off all the time and was never asked to do anything physical (thank god) because I was the naughtiest concubine he had ever had.

Shocking Fish thinks there must be something twisted to this dream, but I think maybe I have a good old fashioned need to be subserviant.

Ha ha - yeah right!

In other news, I ate two cadbury's creme egg's for breakfast and would like to thank each and every one of you for your lovely, supportive comments on my last two posts re: the Immigration Monkeys and the job front.

Things are better on the Monkey front, and usually are once you beat them up with a stick (albeit verbally). So cross your paws again for me if you will and I will keep you up to date on The Canada Plan.

Tomorrow I hope to visit the most amazing mini-art gallery in the country and have concocted a glorious little story about my rich Mother looking for a unique piece for her new home (not far from the truth, eh Mum?) so that they might possibly let me take some pictures to show you.

But for now I'm off to see a mentalist about a life size John Wayne cardboard cut-out...

Word to your mother.

F**k You World!

2007-03-14T08:02:00.000Z

I forgot to tell you that the agency called yesterday about the mysterious job and told me they went in another direction, with someone more experienced.

What, more experienced for a part-time admin job?

Agendy Dude didn't even know my name.

Whatever.

Next!

Anybody Home?

2007-03-13T17:39:00.000Z

Excuse me a moment:

F&*king Bollocking Sh@tting Hell! C&%k-m£nching sodding c*cking bloody Immigration 'Lawyers' - if that's what you are - because so far I'm pretty sure there are a team of chimps sitting at your desks, counting the money we've paid you to get my boyfriend a visa to live and work in Canada.

Are you taking the mickey? I am not married, Rocker is not Mr. Martin. I am not Mr. Martin, either. I have never filed a tax return in Canada because I left age four. I may have a strong work ethic but it was not always the case, and I certainly did not have one aged four.

I have told you all these things more than once.

Is anybody home?

Do not tell me everything is ready if it clearly is not.

Almost tempted to throw in the towel and not bother moving (nay giving up everything) to live in your country.

Grrrr.

(And breath)

God, I needed that.

Widget

2007-03-13T15:26:00.000Z

Stolen unashamedly from The Peanut Queen:

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Beauty Bear

2007-03-13T13:58:00.000Z

Last night I had a lovely evening, impromptu though it was, for it was Doctor Lurve's birthday and we appeared in force at the squash club to celebrate his special day.

It was a nice evening because first off I got to see my lovely friend Ellie (AKA Fragglehump) - whom I gave not one but three boxes of rogue sex toys (left over from past assignments from Shocking Fish) - which were joyously accepted.

Let me tell you, nobody knows surreal until they have sat around with their own mother, struggling to shove a battery case between the legs of a day glo rubber teddy bear.

The things we do for friendship, I tell you.

And secondly, I got to finally meet Philippa - the awesome, cool Philippa.

She is so beautiful and lovely - but most importantly funny. Funny is good. In fact, I won't tolerate people in my life who don't know how to laugh.

Especially at my jokes.

Ha.

(Kidding.)

SAPPY BUGGER ALERT: I just also wanted to add, that it is a lovely feeling to know, that no matter what happens to you in life, you will always have certain friends who will still love you.

That really is priceless.

Hustle & Flow

2007-03-12T11:33:00.000Z

Wondy Bro recommended this new site for setting up your own playlists:

Now I just log in and get down, with just one click - here's my 80's list, don't say I never spoil you!

Canadia Here We Come

2007-03-12T11:20:00.000Z

A functional day chez Wondy - washing, tidying, throwing things out.

Maybe a little bit of product description work for the lovely Shocking Fish - must keep myself busy or I'll end up watching back to back Jeremy Kyle and a part of my soul will die.

At least all this time off has afforded us the time to get everything together for The Canada Plan. The lawyers have confirmed that everything is in place so over the next five days they'll be sending the final draft back for signatures - and then it's off to the Canadian Government for their perusal.

Here's hoping they let Rocker into the country...

Fingers crossed everybody, if you will!

Wondy & the Sunshine Band

2007-03-11T17:22:00.000Z

Best scene from Little Miss Sunshine - because it's Sunday - and I have a massive crush on Steve Carell.

Boom Boom

2007-03-10T20:54:00.001Z

To my brother who says girls can't be funny, I say:

What did the bra say to the hat?

........................................................

"You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift."

I thank you.

(My work here is done.)

Chica's Kitchen

2007-03-10T13:41:00.000Z

The above is a reference to the 1991 album 'Martika's Kitchen'.

(Martika was once a muse of Prince and a former child actor, starring in the motivational film “Be Somebody or Be Somebody’s Fool”, by everybody's hero, Mr. T.)

And close Wikipedia...

But I digress.

Today I want to write an appreciation post to my friend, Chica - who is just fabulous and I feel all glowy knowing I have her in my life, albeit virtually.

I love her for posts like this and this - but today I love her even more for her email entitled 'Winehouse' which read:

Dunno if you'll get this message on time but the Winehouse is on BBC now, with the funky backing singers!

How cool is it to have someone looking out for you like that? It's priceless.

Sadly, I did miss the Winehouse, being the lazy toad that I am, rising from my coffin too late to flick through the glorious Saturday morning line-up.

But that's not the point.

I would also like to take the time to add my two penneth (made-up word alert?) to the Size Zero debate and say I was pleasantly surprised by The Truth About Size Zero on Wednesday night.

Chica's post states the case much better than I ever can, but I wanted to say, as a lady with real lady lumps who is nowhere even near a UK Size 10, let alone a UK 4 - it was disturbing to say the least.

At a size 16 (at least) should I be burned at the stake?

I am a sensible woman and I do realise that I am nowhere near the ideal - and I could stand to lose a few stone - but I feel beautiful almost always, until I stop to compare myself to one of these skinny chicks or when I step into a clothes shop and it is made quite clear to me that I am a freak.

The programme had me weeping when it introduced us to the teen anorexics living in a home for kids with eating disorders and they started to talk about how it made them feel.

One 12 year old - two years younger than Philippa, just two years older than Frank - spoke about how she had to think about drinking a glass of water in case it made her fat!

I tell you, it did make me think I will do everything in my power to make sure both girls feel gorgeous and lovely at all times - though I'm sure it's not as simple as all that.

Anyway - here's a picture of Lovely Louise Redknapp (I respect her now) before (at size 8) and after (size 4):

Gruesome, isn't it?

First Cut's The Deepest

2007-03-09T17:27:00.000Z

Nothing really amazing to report on this ser-weet day - except that the sun is shining and with it comes a new hope...

Ner ner ner ner ner - ner ner NER

(To those who don't speak Wondy - that was the Star Wars theme...)

*Cough*

(Just sent my geek radar into overdrive as I realise that, in actual fact, it was not the Star Wars theme - but the Superman theme.)

I'll get my coat.

Got my hair did though:

Chopped/lopped/hacked/sliced/diced and spliced - and it feels great!

It's Got To Be-eeeeee - PERFECT

2007-03-08T13:36:00.000Z

Because I sometimes have no mind of my own, I copied Heather, who was inspired to try this sinister (yet addictive) tool - Portrait Professional.

It's not natural at all, but it IS fun - proof than anyone can be perfect - but what fun would that be?

Give me my horrible old mug any day of the week!

Although I do like this one:

This one is just spooky:

Can anyone say 'waxwork'??

My Future Husband on The Charlotte Church Show

2007-03-08T11:52:00.000Z

And a pretty good intro into the Boosh, for those not that familiar...

Who'd Want To Be An Olsen?

2007-03-07T17:55:00.000Z

Picture by Gallery of the Absurd

UPDATE: I meant to post an actual post along with that picture but forgot: d'oh!

Tonight I will be settling down with a nice cup o' char to watch Louise Redknapp in The Truth About Size Zero - a documentary about, funnily enough, this crazy stupid quest some women seem to be on to get down to that new goal: the size zero (UK 4).

Size four!

I might even eat some cheese puffs at the same time and count my lucky stars I'm not one of them.

I think it is desperately sad that there are girls out there dying, literally, to be a certain size and, while I know I need to shift this belly, I can safely say I am happier as I am.

As for Louise, I've never liked her but this has given me newfound respect for her - I think it's refreshing that someone is prepared to go to such lengths to prove it's evil. So good on her.

That is all.

Cheery. Oh. Cheery. Oh. Baby.

2007-03-07T16:37:00.000Z

I only need cheering up because nobody wants to hire me and there's no work around and I want to buy something sparkly to cheer myself but I can't because that's just silly, and I can't take that with me where I'm going.

And it won't stop raining...

Ooooh, the sun just came out...

Things are looking up already!

I know it's silly to sweat the little things and I'm lucky in so many ways, because I have fantabulous friends and my health - but sometimes, you just have to have a down day and this is mine.

Hey, I watched Bridget Jones when I got out of bed this morning, that must tell you something about my current frame of mind!

Cheering Myself Up...

2007-03-07T13:53:00.000Z

... Via the medium of make-up...

The Monkeys Are Here!

2007-03-07T11:08:00.000Z

Thanks to the Divine Heather!

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-03-06T19:03:00.001Z

You, too, can get one of these babies!. You know, if you want to...

Is this not the funniest thing you ever did see? Watch out Keira!

Hung Up On You

2007-03-05T18:36:00.000Z

Well, am still unemployed. Nobody wants me, am probably unemployable. Have nothing going for me except my sense of humour... heaven help me!

Haven't heard back about the interview - and today I found out that my old best friend from school is currently in LA, meeting the head honchos of her law firm who want to make her Company Secretary of the European sector, or something.

Possibly Company Secretary of the World.

I can't even get a part-time job.

Boo. Hoo.

I must add, even though this friend and I haven't spoken in over a decade, I don't begrudge her any of her success. She has worked hard for it.

Can you believe that her mother ruffled my hair (ruffled my hair!) this evening and said "You haven't changed a bit".

But I'm 29 now - and back then I was an awkward, nerdy teenager - I'm 29 now!

I bloody hope I have changed...

Something Like A Phenomenomenon

2007-03-04T19:17:00.001Z

Here's hoping someone rings me tomorrow to beg me to go for an interview so they can give me some money every week.

I need girly bits, like plastic jewellery and glossy magazines.

Link-a-delia

2007-03-03T21:23:00.000Z

Welcome to my new series of weekly Things That Have Rocked My World posts, in which I link you to all the glorious things I have seen, heard and fallen in love with this week.

(A loosely disguised Wish List, if you will.)

Look, I'm unemployed - I have the time...

Read it and weep:

I totally dig the current collection of sexy sexy little bags currently littering asos.com, they are inexpensive (well, some of them) and luscious! I want all of them.
Ditto the brand spanking new Barbie Loves MAC range by MAC - featuring the totally excellent limited edition MAC Barbie doll - who comes complete with her own MAC case!
This fantabulous hoodie that I totally covet. Whatever you think of Jeffree Star, the hoodie is cool - it has make-up on it...
I also give you the newly discovered blog, My Paper Crane - Heidi's work is amazing and I thought she deserved two mentions in one week.
And last but not least, another mention for the You Are Beautiful campaign, not least because it inspired u s to get busy and creative, but also for what it represents: "The intention behind this project is to reach beyond ourselves as individuals to make a difference by creating moments of positive self realization. We're just attempting to make the world a little better". Sweet.

So there you have it, my big-ups to the things and people who inspired me this week.

Oh, alright - to the things I want in my own possession. Now.

Not very Buddhist this whole coveting thing, is it?

I'm Like A Bird

2007-03-03T15:50:00.000Z

Today I ate seeds for lunch. Sunflower and pumpkin.

First attempt had me feeling like a chipmunk chewing wood chippings, until I read the packet:

To eat, split the tip of the seed edgewise between the front teeth. Remove the kernel and eat. Discard the husk.

Hm. Well, as it takes approximately eight minutes per seed to remove the husk, how about I just disgard the whole thing and reach for a donut?

My Week In Pictures

2007-03-03T12:34:00.000Z

- Add Stuff - Get Your Own

Happy Sushi Birthday!

2007-03-03T12:00:00.000Z

Ten reasons why I love Heather:

She's beautiful with a capital 'B'.
She loves travel as much as I do.
She cares about lots of good causes.
She knows where she's going in life - even when things look bad for a moment...
She encourages me to be a better and more creative person.
She gives good gift!
She's a total MAC Whore - worse than even me.
She loves her Savannah as much as I love my Lucy Fur.
She also gives exceptionally good letter...
And she has the owl hoodie - which I totally covet!

In short, she's one of my best ever friends and I don't think (I know) that I couldn't get by without her in my life - so I wish you the best ever birthday, babe and hope you have a lovely pampered day, with all the delicious gifts you deserve.

Hair Raising

2007-03-02T15:25:00.000Z

Well, the idea was that I would try to make myself gorgeous in honour of supper at the Queen of Bling's tonight - but I just got eyelash glue on my eyeball and I'm definitely having a crisis of confidence in the face department - so I've given up and I'm having a cup of tea.

This time has given me the chance to research the kind of new hair I want and I've come up with this, this or this.

The first two are the same chick, and I'm not sure I could carry off that look as I'm slightly more rounded than her. Lucky cow.

Kelly O and I have far more in common!

I'm really warming to the idea of baring my neck for a change, though - so maybe if I do this, I will dare to go fairly short.

I'll keep the same colour though, it works for me.

Opinions, welcome - you can be as blunt as you like!

Watch This Space

2007-03-02T11:41:00.000Z

I might have an interview next week for a job! Well, it's part-time mind, but it sounds rather interesting and I'm quite excited about it...

Apparently, it's for a very small team in the town centre who run a sponsorship agency or something - but they want someone with an interest in graphics and stuff, which I do have.

It's made me realise how desperate I am to get back out there amoungst the people.

That's not to say I haven't loved spending so much time with Rocker, but it isn't natural and it sure ain't healthy not to speak to more than two people in a day.

I'm a people person, I want to be out there laughing and talking and getting other people's points of view.

I know why the caged bird sings, afterall.

Fingers crossed...

Le Tigre - Deceptacon

2007-03-01T22:43:00.001Z

Cuts Both Ways

2007-03-01T19:50:00.000Z

I know what you'll all say to this (no, not Oh for God's sake how many times do you have to post in one day?) but I have to say this out loud:

I am really really daring myself to get another haircut - something short(ish) and cute.

*Hangs head in shame*

Go on, you can say it - Don't do it/Ew, are you crazy?!/You'll regret it you stupid bitch, you always do (oops, that last one was my subconscious self) - but I keep seeing sweet cuts and wanting a piece of the action for myself.

I do this to myself every couple of months and so far I have managed to resist.

I will regret it, I know that - and I keep forgetting I'm not an elfin kitten who looks hot with cute, blunt, edgy hair - but man, is it hard to stay strong!

In Praise Of Gillian

2007-03-01T17:46:00.000Z

Sure Gillian may not be what they like to call a 'proper' doctor but whatever it is she whinges about every week has been setting up home in my brain and when I find myself telling Rocker that "Gillian says breakfast is the most important meal of the day" and thrusting a bag of granola in his face, I know she's got to me.

She got me.

OK, so I then bought a cheescake and a blueberry muffin - but there were grains in my trolley! And pumpkin seeds. Sunflower seeds, anyone?

I'm halfway there!

I would like to start a love affair with that women, just simply so she lets me move in with her and feeds me all my meals.

I could be healthy and I could be thin if I had someone disapproving to purse her lips at me everytime I reach for a crisp.

I need a Gillian in my life.

Could do without her rummaging around in my poos though...

All My Monkey Dreams, Answered

2007-03-01T13:43:00.000Z

"Heather said... I just bought two on Ebay. One is coming to you as soon as they arrive!"

Yey! I'm going to be a new mother - a Monkey Mother!

Me Against The Wondy

2007-03-01T10:21:00.000Z

I'd like to extend a warm invitation to one, Britney Spears, to come stay a few days with me, while I get over my mild flu.

Together we can lounge around, drink tea, fantasise about the PG Tips monkey..., watch movies, talk and pamper ourselves.

The girl needs me!

I know she's gone off the rails lately, but I will not have the creator of possibly the best pop song of our time (Lucky) going it alone - all scared and shit.

I'm a survivor - see? I survived last night's creepy chain letter debacle, I'm pretty damn sure I can drag you up through the depths of depression to happy happy Wondyland, Brits.

Or whatever, we could just eat crisps if you'd prefer?

Not Clever

2007-02-28T22:38:00.001Z

It's only because Chica talked about this very subject not a week ago that I share this with you, but I am totally shocked at it - it's a little strong for chain letter, non?:

Body: On December 24, 2006 at 8 o'clock in the morning, a young 14 year old boy by the name of Scott Jackson was found dead. Doctors couldn't come up with the cause of his death. His mother checked his emails to see if she could figure out what happened. Turns out he was still signed into myspace. She found he had gone to sleep after he read and didn't repost a chain letter about a little girl that kills you in your sleep with no natural cause of death.

This is the bulletin he read:
My name is Jaime Heras. I'm 14 years old. I'm a murderer. I have no face. When you look at me you'll die immediately.You have 900 seconds to repost this or I will visit you tonight.

It's all a little The Ring, isn't it? Very creepy.

As it happens it was forwarded on by someone close to me, nay a member of my own family - so I won't get too mad. I will, however, not be inflicting this on any of my MySpace contacts, have no fear.

I have to say I'm a little bloody angry though. Who writes this stuff?

I'm burning up, I have a headache and now I have to worry about going to sleep tonight with the lights on? Thanks to whoever wrote that.

And, hey, if I'm not here in the morning, you know what happened - and the first person to leave a comment gets my CD collection...

Kidding.

Monkey Business

2007-02-28T22:07:00.000Z

Today in the post office I bumped into a girl I used to go to school with, Heather. In fact she's the first friend I ever made in England when we moved over from Toronto.

I first saw her again a few months ago when I attended that funeral (the Fame one?) - and I have to say she was lovely and seemed genuinely happy to see me, despite it being over ten years. She invited me out that night but for whatever reason I couldn't make it.

I'm terrible, but when I stay at Mum's I hate going into town in case I bump into any one of the horrible bitches I used to go to school with. I was never terribly bullied, but I was always made to feel as though I should apologise for being me - I was always odd.

Well, now odd doesn't seem so bad to me and it was cool to see her again. She asked for my number so I'm sure we'll be in touch at some point in the near future.

Girl is looking very good too - and hasn't gotten wider, like me. The cow.

Actually, it's been nice to see her because of all of us she seemed to be the most sorted and she really isn't - delighted to report she lives temporarily at home with her mum, too - so we're in the same boat.

Ironically, she's also twiddling her thumbs waiting for a permanent residency visa - for New Zealand - so we have a lot in common!

That is about all on the news front.

I'm running a slight fever and I'm just going to curl up on the couch until bedtime, now.

Life would be a whole lot better if I had a monkey...

Dance Monkey Dance

2007-02-28T18:50:00.000Z

I want to get my hands on a Pg Tips Monkey so bad, I will do almost anything. I'm so jealous of anyone who owns one that I am going to march purposely down to the supermarket, come hell or high water, to get one.

And if they are sold out I am going to scream and scream and scream until I am sick.

That is all.

Sweets For My Sweet

2007-02-27T21:30:00.000Z

The newest coolest thing I have discovered this week? My Paper Crane - the artist behind it is a genius and I want to buy one of everything!

My Turn

2007-02-27T17:45:00.001Z

Inspired by Heather and this photograph - I give you my own contribution to the You Are Beautiful campaign.

It's not exactly imaginitive but it is me - and I suppose that is the whole point of the campaign, to be yourself and know you are beautiful. Because each one of us is.

I thought I'd cradle my sticker gently in my hand, like I do my self-esteem - you have to nurture it and keep it safe like a little baby bird.

But as Rainy Pete rightly pointed out, "remember that if you keep it cradled and safe forever nobody else gets to revel in it".

Identity Crisis

2007-02-27T12:49:00.000Z

Forgive me but I'm having a bad template day and can't decide on my look - but I got labels along my sidebar so it's not all bad!

I have also inadvertantly ripped off both Shocking Fish and Chica with this little customised number, sorry guys.

That's what I get for going off the peg... is it the virtual equivalent of turning up to the Oscar's bash in the same outfit?

Anyway, the other template was cool but something wasn't right with it, something to do with the spacing (the littlest things niggle at me), so I'm staying with this girly one until I get bored again.

Thanks everyone who said they liked it, it may make a reappearance in the near future, it may not.

I'm such a tease!

Swan Song

2007-02-27T12:06:00.000Z

Still feeling crappy and wondering if I have in fact, got the flu or something. Which, you know, isn't all bad - it means I can do things around the house such as entertain the cooker man and do the washing, it's raining anyway - so it's incentive not to go out.

In fact, Rocker's brakes have gone on the car and we haven't got it into the shop yet, so we're pretty much grounded at the moment, as it is.

I'm going to - be still my beating heart - walk down to the store shortly and get some teabags and Heat magazine, and then I am coming home to cook a comforting dinner and watch Scrubs.

The Cat and I are currently working through some neediness issues (on her part), she can't leave me for even twelve seconds and this morning I woke with her paw literally tangled in my hair. Honestly, it's like I have a small child with four legs.

And I am absolutely flabbergasted that there wasn't even one Oscar dress for me to coo over. Having run through the so-called highlights, I am left pining for the Bjork days - remember how genius that girl is?

Ooh Get Me

2007-02-26T20:50:00.000Z

Hey do you like the movie themed template?

Movies are my first love, afterall - so it seems fitting.

Usually I like light airy themes but lately I've been feeling more drawn to the dark ones. Must be something in the air...

Never, Ever Forget

2007-02-26T19:52:00.000Z

That you are beautiful!

Picture courtesy of the Divine Heather.

Floop. Y.

2007-02-26T14:04:00.000Z

I'm feeling floopy today. All sort of duvet-loving. I want to eat toast and paint my toenails and talk to the cat. And that's all.

Must be in crash after all the excitement of the Wondy's.

You know I'm not even going to take photographs today that is just how floopy I feel. And that is practically all I have been doing the past few days.

Bah. I'm going to rest my weary body on the sofa with a chick flick, my skin hurts.