Well, today started off rather shitty with the news that lovely Kylie has breast cancer. I feel gutted for her. She's just always been around - she's like my cool auntie. Anyway, she seems to be in good physical shape and she's caught it early so Good Luck Kylie - Get Well Soon!


(Yeah, like Kylie ever swings by my site...)

So today has been mind-numbingly boring, I just went for lots of little wanders instead of working hard today. It was just one of them days! Fuckface struck up a conversation with me at the photocopier and I caught a glimpse of a shy man underneath the Fuck-faced exterior. I might give him a chance after all if he can be human when he speaks to me. Brent kept getting his knickers in a twist which was a wonderful sight to behold.

But the best thing today by far was being accosted in the street (Worthing town centre, no less) by a drunken bum. Finally some excitement! He approached me with the classic line, "Excuse me love where can I buy some chips?" while standing directly opposite KFC. Conversation went as such:

Drunken Bum: "Scuse me love, sorry to interrupt you reading Hello, or whatever it is..."

Me: "Actually, it's Heat..."

Drunken Bum: "Oh God, but Heat is so trashy..."

Me: "Uh Yah, why do you think I buy it?"

Drunken Bum "ooooooooooooh"

Me: (Smiling inanely)

Drunken Bum: "Scuse me love where can I buy some chips"

Me: "Erm, you could try KFC, it's right there"

Drunken Bum: "Oh yes - do you know how much chips are?"

Me: "uh uh" (shrugging)

Drunken Bum: "oooooh don't you pluck well?"

(Yes, he said pluck. And yes, he was referring to my eyebrows.)

Me: "Do I? Ooh thank you that's the nicest compliment I've had all day..."

Drunken Bum: "You're very young aren't you, no lines..."

Me: "Actually, that's the nicest compliment I've had all day..." (Beaming like a loon)

Drunken Bum: "How do you get out of this godforsaken hell hole (he actually said this, I love this turn of phrase), I came from South London and ended up here and it's sapping my will to live, I think I might have to walk home to South London..."

Drunken Bum: "How do you live here...? I want to escape..."

Me: "Yah, tell me about it..."

Drunken Bum: "mumble mumble something about oil, mumble mumble something about swivelling on it, mumble mumble ha ha mumble mumble, ha..."

(And with that, our Hero shuffles off into the sunset, or rather to bother an elderly woman at the bus stop).

A few moments later as I was mounting the steps to the bus, I heard a Scottish woman laying in to him (harshly I thought): "Fuck off you loser. I don't work everyday to keep people like you, rant rant... fuck off, go fuck yourself, yadda yadda yadda..." - Our Hero's response? "Ooooh she was very cross wasn't she?"

Love him. New best friend material? Definately!