I Wanna Sex You Up

Well! It's 9.30am, I have been in the office for one hour only and Brent has managed to make me want to shove him out of a window already. I can't stand him! I want to walk out, I want to throw my tea over him, I want to go home, curl up in bed and watch chick flicks all afternoon... Alternatively, though, I could go home and play with my ENORMOUS BOX OF S*X TOYS THAT SHOCKING FISH DELIVERED TO WONDY TOWERS LAST NIGHT!!!

One word: WOW. Or should that be: OW?!

I'm not entirely sure if I should be flattered or insulted by the array of goods I have been given. Some are so damn cute you could pass them off as works of modern art (until they started to vibrate under your touch of course) but some, one in particular, could happily double as a draft excluder, we're talking big, and long, and thick, and mind boggling, actually. I'm praying the neighbours didn't notice the Local Neighbourhood Porn Baron (SF says he's not, but I know) walking into my house with a suspicious looking box in his arms.

"There goes the Neighbourhood" I can imagine they uttered.

So Rocker and I, with much amusement, unwrapped some of the goods, how we laughed! How is a normal girl of average s*xual experience to entertain a toy the size of a horse's ding dong? And what's so special about a Hippo shaped bath toy? (Oh I know now!) While Rocker marvelled at the handy sashays of female lubricant which he hopes to use to oil his motorbike, Wondy rummaged through the box and 'fiddled' with the mini-tongue device (if you want to know the technical term, it's "Clit Lick") and it comes on a handy expandable ring so you can wear it on your finger while you 'indulge'.

Let's just say, you might not be hearing from Wondy for a little while...