BAFTA Bonanza

A big big round of luvvie applause for my boy Philip Seymour Hoffman, winner of Best Actor BAFTA (no less) for Capote!

Accepting his award, Hoffman thanked his girlfriend, and future wife, Wondy, saying, "I want to say I love her and she looks really hot tonight." Wondy’s ‘official boyfriend’ Rocker sat on the sidelines, clapping and giving his blessing.

(I made that second paragraph up!)

Oh yes, and Jake Gyllenhaal (not Heath Ledger) was chosen as Best Supporting Actor for Broken Foreskin Mountain. Gyllenhaal, flabbergasted by his triumph, shook his head in astonishment and said: "Who would have thought this would happen."

"It moved me like no other love story I have ever seen," he said of the film for which he is also Oscar-nominated. “Plus I got to kiss a hot guy. Shame Heath didn’t win but then again, he sucks so what did we expect? Go team Gyllenhaal!!”

Keira Knightley was beautifully overlooked for an award, losing out to that annoying bint, Reese Witherspoon, who was only good in Freeway and the Legally Blonde movies and should actually be banned from making any more films, ever.

Knightley stood on her table and screamed: “Don’t you know who I am?! I’m beautiful!” and was then pelted, for a good 2 minutes, by hard bread rolls by the assorted actors present. Christina Ricci, to a round of rapturous applause, then swung a divine left hook and brought Knightley down.

(Those last bits, definitely, positively, probably happened…)

Ah… don’t you just love BAFTAS night?