For the birds

I really don't trust birds. If you ever look at one closely, notice how they always look really busy, pottering about doing chores for Satan. If they catch you looking they always look guilty and pretend to being doing 'civilian' work like pulling up worms, but it's too late - I've seen that glint in their eyes. They're plotting.

Penguins are the worst. They sit up there in the North Pole nursing their giant eggs and they have nothing better to do but scheme. The trouble with Penguins though is that they all look the same so no-one ever knows who's boss. As soon as they figure that out we're doomed. Imagine a world and governments run by Penguins, we must be ready when they come for us.

Ditto, monkeys.

UPDATE: Nature's bestfriend Shocking Fish has pointed out that Penguins only inhabit the South and have never quite made it to the North - so I stand corrected there.

What I have learned is this: Penguins evolved in the Southern Hemisphere taking advantage of the very rich fish stocks in the cold currents of the Southern Ocean. They need to have plentiful supplies of fish to survive and the conditions for large schools of fish and crustaceans only occur in cold waters. So although the conditions are suitable both in the Northern and Southern Polar regions, the penguins have never managed to cross into the cold Northern waters.

Whatever, you mark my words, I've had a premonition that the North will be crawling with the slippery little suckers before long - as will New York, Tokyo, Rome, London, Paris, Worthing...