Long Neck, Long Scarf

I had the most wonderful post half written to wow you with today and then... I lost it. It went.

So, here's me starting again, but with less enthusiasm than before:

*Sigh*

So, fate dealt us a lucky hand yesterday morning, for two and a half hours late a car showed up to sweep us on the Long Neck Tour and beyond. We thought we would be joined with the rest of our tour group once we'd caught up but this was not to be.

We had our own personal Tour Guide and Driver all day. To ourselves! Hurrah.

So our tour consisted first of a visit to the Orchid and Butterfly Farm, which was pretty. But not much else to write home about.

My Mother might be pleased to note that I failed to throw a child-like paddy in the confines of the Butterfly House like I used to, years and years ago, everytime we went as kids to the one in Eastbourne.

How I hated those flying winged things. You know, the painted flying flappy things (in style of Bob Fossil, Boosh fans?)?

Hmmm, anyway - all very pretty and interesting to find how they are grown, 'cos everyone knows what a palaver they are to maintain but once you've seen a handful of beautiful plants, you've seen them all, non?

Our Personal Tour Guide, Art is a young trainee and although at first the fact that his English is poor and our Thai non-exisistent looked set to be sort of a problem, we soon all fell into a comfortable easiness. Nothing a a few jerky hand movements and a lifetime of Charades at Christmas couldn't cure, anyway.

Next stop a cave carved into a great mountain. Rocker's favourite part of the trip, though I'm not a natural cave dweller and don't do very well in confined spaces, I sat and waited at the bottom while Rocker and Art were swallowed up by an enormous cavern that lead upstairs and all along the perimeter of the cave. I'm told it was quite amazing, the likes of which I have never seen, but I will have to take their word for it on this.

My favourite part was the Sleeping Buddha, made in the Burmese Style, catching a few zzzzzzz's in the dark dungeon of the cave, right at the very end.

(Blogger at this point is sticking two fingers up in response to my request that is post more pictures, sorry. F&*%ing Bl%@ger!)

Off we went then for a quick lunch and on to my most anticipated visit, the Long Neck Village, by way of a magnificent view point of the city and a chance to throw oneself at the foot of a great, giant seated Buddha. But as I can't show you the photos, which was rather the point, I will sweep on to talk of The Village.

We arrived to a cornucopia of brightly coloured fabrics, jewels and trinkets and many beautiful Long Necked ladies, in gorgeous mountain surroundings. Folks, it's the truth, a long neck like a swan renders a woman utterly beautiful!

They are also very graceful, kind and love to have their pictures taken. We learned that it is not actually about lengthening the neck, rather weighing down the shoulder muscles that gives the Swan-like appearance, and the girls start from about the age of 3 adding the brass rings to their throats.

Apparently, because of our genetic make-up, it is impossible for a white woman to be a Long Neck, but quite easy, with the right discipline, for a woman of any other origin.

So there you have it.

Wicked day it was and on leaving the Village I bought a cute necklace from a Mountain Tribeswoman and she gave me a friendship bracelet and kissed my hand. It's the red hair, I tell you, they love it.