Canadian Bacon

I'm not sure, but a few of you have expressed an interest in where we're at with the whole Canada plan, so I assume some of you are interested in that element of my life and so, an update:

The lawyers seem to revel in having us jump through hoops, but as they are hopefully (fingers crossed) going to award my boyfriend Permanent Residency in a country that we want to start a new life in, then I can take it.

As I was born in Toronto, I can hold a Canadian passport and a British one, and apparently they have to let me in, no matter how fat my bottom is, or how unfunny my jokes are. America also has to allow me in, where I can legally work and frolick through the states like a loon.

However, my boyfriend is not so lucky and therefore has to get legal permission to stay and work in Canada - and this is what the lawyers are doing for us. Or so they claim.

So far we have sent them oodles of personal information, photographs, money, blood samples (not really), hair swatches (not really) and vats of human tears (also, not really).

Now they want more documents signed and witnessed by lots of scary legal characters, a medical for Rocker and more proof that we are a real couple and not Andie MacDowell/Gérard Depardieu looking to score another Green Card - because apparently, you can't be in a real, loving relationship with someone if you're not married to them.

So over the next few weeks we should have all that tied up and then it's just a question of waiting to see what they throw up next, or whether we can actually just go to Canada and start setting up home.

Honestly, this fleeing the country because it's gone to the dogs isn't all that easy, I'm telling you.