Porn King

So, with Shocking Fish jetting off to international climes in the name of 'research', can we expect him to come over all Dale Winton in the future? All orangina tan and super pearly whites?

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And does he have possibly the best job in the world?

( See: http://www.shockingfish.blogspot.com/ 23Sept2005)

I'm envisaging Shocking Fish's boss as an ageing Burt Reynolds in Boogie Nights/Bob Monkhouse hybrid and I'm not altogether put off by the idea of him nuturing a young SF's porn career and turning him into a cuter version of Ron Jeremy. Hell, if this happens, I for one will be offering up my services as key 'grip' on the set of his debut film, "Stop! Or my Cock will Shoot!".

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In fact, I am already picturing the Christmas soirees SF will be throwing in his first mansion, all scented candles and slippery rubber furniture, hog spit-roasting on an open fire and Playboy Bunnies every which way you turn.

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I'll get all tipsy and spend the evening chatting about the price of fish with Hugh Heffner and he'll be mesmorised by my girl-next-door 'rawness' not to mention sparkling wit and theme his next issue of PB around me, me, me. SF will be sandwiched on the white PVC sofa between Ben Dover and Steven Schlong, giggling coquettishly at every little thing they say.

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Life will be all Boogie Nights/Valley of the Dolls but without the tragic endings, because at the end of the day we are two earnest hardworking kids who 'dun good' - a rags to riches story with a happy ending. Ah yes, I can see that SF's career is going to take off quickly with me hanging on for dear life on the tails of his neon pink PVC tuxedo.

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Stick with SF baby, and you'll go far...