Today is one of those squinty eyed, cannot-be-bothered days I can feel it. For one it is sooo cold - apparently, heating the offices to keep your staff happy is a little last season and so we are expected to sit here, teeth chattering, icicles forming around us and be productive.

My work friend is annoying me. She only just walked in and I feel rage toward her. I am willing her to say something patronising (as she invariably does) and then I will unleash it. Can of whoop-ass anyone?

This weekend has been lovely and relaxing - our friends came to stay and it was a social whirl of cappucino and cultured conversation. Well, conversation about how boring the British are (us) and how the South Africans can't resist spinning a tall story (them).

Oh, and what is the most horrific, realistic scene you have ever seen in a movie? (My answer: probably most of Irreversible). Or, Do you think I've put on weight? (from The Boy), or Who has the X-factor? (All of us except Rocker), or How sh*t is The Blair Witch Project? (Rocker and The Boy). (For the record I really enjoyed it and bought the DVD at the weekend in protest of them saying it was cr*p).

On Saturday morning I woke early to receive my parcel from Shocking Fish. I was found hours later in the living room surrounded by dildos, like some sort of over-enthusiastic sex worker. Glass ones, pink ones, exotic ones, harnesses, straps, lotions, potions - you name it, they're in my bedroom now, cunningly disguised in a brown box. SF also included a catalogue, with instructions to pick my next batch!

Sunday we went round the antique shops in Arundel like a quartet of middle-aged farts and I embarrassed myself in a coffee shop by forgetting where I was and belching out loud. The elderly couple standing directly in front of me as I let rip looked a little disgruntled, but the Old Boy, once he had reattached his toupe, saw the funny side, adding "So you should be!" to my apology.

Oh how we laughed.

And now it is Monday again and I am thinking of ways to get out of work and/or to catch a few zzzzz's. If this were a Tom & Jerry cartoon, all it would take is a couple of matchsticks and some pens to draw eyeballs onto my lids. Mind you, if this were a cartoon, I could also arrange for an ACME anvil to fall on Brent's head, which might make the day a little more bearable.

I've been thinking - and I've decided - there has got to be more to life than this. Rocker mentioned the words 'India' and 'Thailand' this morning, meaning he'd like to visit them before we emigrate and I think I might have peed myself with excitement. Now you're talking!