Chuck Norris

You can lead a horse to water. Chuck Norris can make him drink.

If Chuck Norris was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Chuck Norris spared your life.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Chuck Norris is, in fact, still alive.

Chuck Norris once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Chuck Norris was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Chuck Norris.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Chuck Norris. Sounds like a fair fight.

Chuck Norris killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact.

Chuck Norris doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Chuck Norris‘s favourite colour is severe terror alert red. His second favourite colour is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

If Chuck and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Chuck Norris would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Chuck Norris does not feel like carrying you.

Chuck Norris got Hellen Keller to talk.

When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Chuck Norris f'cking hates lemonade.

When you open a can of whoop ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

Killing Chuck Norris doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through Chuck Norris’s gun.

Chuck Norris can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Cancer is not the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men. It's Chuck Norris

People with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris.

It would only take 1 bullet for Chuck Norris to kill 50 Cent.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That's why theres no life on Mars.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

Simon Says should be renamed to Chuck Norris Says because if Chuck Norris says something then you better f'*****g do it.