Deja Vu

Last night was filled entirely with tossing and turning and horrific nightmares. Shouting at Rocker in my sleep and rolling out of bed. My subconscious seems to be betraying the fact that I thought I was holding life together quite well.

I dreamt horrible tearful dreams about the cat being horribly mangled and not being able to afford to get her an operation (she got extra gravy on her breakfast this morning). Unpaid bills, nasty arguments, Mariah Carey - they all featured.

Where the dilemma of being nearly thirty is the usual thing to keep me from sleep, now it's struggling to sell the house, not being able to pay the bills, lack of nice things for me to surround myself with - everybody has been there, or is there right now, so it's nothing unique - so why is it busting my chops now?

What is up with the brain that it can never sleep? My imagination runs riot when my eyes are closed but I lack the energy to put any of it into practise when I'm awake. Permanent lethargy keeps me from doing anything in this hot weather. People are lucky to get a two-way conversation from me most days. Or unlucky, depending on how you look at it.

I've started tanning again as well, this time I'm using Nivea Sunkissed Skin which doesn't make you smell like lard - so we shall see. I blame Beyoncé, who looks absolutely amazing in her new Deja Vu video. Sickening.