Wednesday, April 25

Make Me Up Before You Go-Go

I’ve been gripped by the icy hand of reality – if I go for a make-up lesson next Sunday then I shall have to arrive sans make-up – which in itself is not a problem, I do often go bare-faced – but… well, how am I really going to feel when I’m sitting under the scrutiny of a stranger and in the middle of a busy store to boot with my far, far less than perfect complexion shining forth?

I have always, always had poor skin. Except when I was a teenager, oddly enough.

It has been almost the sole reason for my poor self-esteem since I can remember (anything else is down to my huge arse), and it’s no laughing matter to see your face in every photograph marred by horrible, ugly acne. Next to my gorgeous friends I could always see the difference: that they were beautiful and I was not.

As it is now my skin has improved tenfold thanks to the Pill and so has my self-image but there will always be the ugly girl inside me, ready to break through at any point – and she frequently does.

I hate the idea of comparing myself to others. Envy is an ugly, harmful thing to the person feeling it – and I have no time for it.

I want to wish everyone well, for I have my special moments too – and we can’t all be perfect. Yet, when I stand next to some people I feel my soul die.

Which brings me back to this make-up shebang – can I really stomach it? Will the poor girl assigned to ‘doing me up’ run screaming when she sees me naked (facially)?

I know it’s self-indulgent to fret about things like this, and I’m darn lucky to have my health: two eyes, a nose, a mouth – but is it normal to look in the mirror and see someone so hideously ugly one day – and normal the next.

I think the answer here is yes. And I’m just a normal girl…


Chica said...

You're not normal. You're extraordinary, and I love you.

I feel like this myself ALL THE TIME though, and hate beauty salons or anything of the sort because they make me super self-conscious and uncomfortable.

I suppose you just have to reach a point where you think fuck 'em I'm doing this for me and be brave.

Besides, if I was the girl assigned to doing you up I would be thrilled to have such gorgeous eyes to work with. I'm sure you will get lots of compliments you didn't expect if you go xxx

patti_cake said...

Believe me however ugly you think you are those make-up girls have saw some truly hideous sights!

MJ said...

Such lengths to go to to make me strip down to my wristwatch again, I don't know, you ladies and the demands you put on me..........!

(I hope you get this reference or I'll seem very odd to you.)

heather said...

It's normal to feel that way, except that you are beautiful. You really are.

Anyone who has issues can GO AWAY! You will look lovely before AND after your lesson.

Rainypete said...

It breaks my heart to see conversations like this. Women in general are always worried about their appearance and never seem content with who they are and this is so sad. Ever lump, nick and part of you that makes you grumpy is what also makes you. Your body and your skin were all custom made for you and would look out of place on someone else. As such, trying to look like someone else isn't a great idea either for the same reasons. You are all beautiful but have been convinced to achieve some sort of standard that is achievable only though photoshop and a lack of eating.

Wondy, and all you are all beautiful. I think it would shock you if you could have an opportunity to speak with one of the "beautiful people" of our world who is idolized by the media. You would find that they too are fraught with body issues and self image problems. For what my words are worth you are all gorgeous and I wish for you all to find that person within that years to be free and let the insecure little girl within fade away in to the shadows, or at the very least hide and sit quietly in the corner.

I'll stop rambling now.

Chica said...

(Rainypete kind of rocks huh?)


wondy woman said...

You better believe it, Chica - he's a prince amoung men!