Nooo Shooos

"Oh, short on money, but long on time, slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine, and i'm running late, and i dont need an excuse, 'cause i'm wearing my brand new shoes." Paolo Nutini.

I am still alive and I've got new shoes!

I have been incredibly busy these past few days and have not even had time to fart (not really, there's always time to fart) - and it is not as you have all surely suspected: that I was kidnapped by an elite Ninga training organisation, who want to teach me in the ways of the dragon (I prefer hippo, myself).

• Once trained I will become their leader/mascot and together we will tour the South East of England (opening to more venues across the country as our popularity grows), recruiting cute boys and testing the elasticity of our lycra jumpsuits.

Sometimes I wish this would happen to me, but alas I am just busy and have to cut down on my internet and crumpet intake at least until next week.

So have a great weekend and I will catch you on the flipside. Word.