Here we are again, at the end of a lovely Bank Holiday weekend with nothing to look forward to now but going back to work / uni / whatever, I have decided this is where I stop wishing my life away and start embracing all the experiences that come my way, be they boring, annoying, whatever - I will make sure I enjoy them all.
Yes, even working under a Penishead like Brent. I am going to enjoy winding him up deliberately now, my life's mission is now to prove to him I am cleverer than he is. Well, I already know I am with the systems and stuff, but nobody makes me feel like shit when I work my ass off for him everyday (or look like I'm working my ass off, he need not know about my two parts work/three parts play plan). Viva la Diva!
This weekend has been a quiet affair but a lovely one. Star Wars on Saturday and then Rocker and I went for dinner at The China Palace. Very very nice inside and very pricey! Sunday we BBQ'ed like we always do at the slightest hint of sunshine and today I've just been wtaching movies, as Rocker had to go to work.
I watched Malena, by the same Director who did the wonderful Cinema Paradiso - it was brilliant - then Sideways which I have been dying to see. Well, it was very good indeed, quite slow, very well acted and in short, well worth the wait.
So on to another week at work - but at least it's only three and a half days long.
Have a great week every one x x
Tuesday, May 31
Monday, May 30
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 69...Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...You're not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don#t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you'll never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, price will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's 40, it will look 85.
Be careful who advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen...
An Anonymous Comment Leaver asked me to post my picture so as to assess my similarity to Lynda Carter. To that Comment Leaver, I have to say, if you read past posts you will see my mugshot, but before you find it, a warning. Unfortunately, I am Lynda Carter's short, spotty, chubby little sister, not quite the statuesque Amazonian you might be expecting.
Oh, don't get me wrong someone did once tell me I looked like her, but that person was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear (and also, in all probability belongs in an institution) - I guess we do both have blue eyes. Two legs. Two arms. Yes, lots in common.
Sorry Anonymous Comment Leaver...
Sunday, May 29
The they knew my name in every home Kevin Spacey would call on the phone But I'd be too busy Come back to the old ville and dine Cameron Diaz give me a sign I'd make you smile all the time Your conversation would compliment mine I will talk and Hollywood will listen See them bow and my every word Mr Spielberg look just what you're missing Doesn't that seem a little obsurdBow at my every word
I've just come back from Revenge of the Sith. One word: WOW.
It was so brilliant, everything you could want in a movie - action, a now cute Hayden Christensen, Yoda kicking butt and ... wookies! Not one, not two but a whole planet full of them! Oh Yeah.
I loved every minute. Thank you, thank you George Lucas. (Ps. You are forgiven)
Saturday, May 28
I had a lovely afternoon this afternoon with Medieval Girl in town. We decided to brave George A. Romero's film set (that's Worthing) and go for lunch then a potter. Medieval Girl is excellent fun. She says C**T really loud (I have a penchant for the word too, slap my wrists) when she gets annoyed but she says it in her wonderful Dublin twang, and it somehow doesn't sound so harsh. She certainly doesn't suffer fools. Thank god she is there.
Anyway, her boyfriend is very anti-globalisation and all that malarkey so I didn't think she'd say "Let's go to Maccas" when I asked her what she fancied for lunch. Yey! This meant Big Mac for me. Hurrah. This to me, is the most satisfying quick fix you can get. The high it gives you lasts maybe a few minutes and you start to feel slightly grubby after you have left Macdonald's - but I love it. Hi, I'm Wondy Woman, and I'm a bigmac-o-holic!
Then we went to a discount shoe sale about Jones the Bootmaker, which I can only describe as the place that shoes go to to die. It was funny though. Out of all the hundreds on display, maybe two were acceptable, in a so bad they are actually quite good way.
I was bad and bought three books which I shouldn't have done as we are currently poor but it was a 3 for 2 and they are good books: How The Dead Live by Will Self (read it before - fucking brilliant), In The Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami (about an American tourist in Japan who could possibly - is he or isn't he? - a serial killer) and the newest Douglas Coupland, Eleanor Rigby. I like Douglas Coupland, I have almost all his novels on my bookshelf.
So that pile of unread books? It's getting bigger and bigger - I have my work cut out !
Today Brent severely FUCKED me off. I *gasp* asked him for help on something, in the absence of the woman who is supposed to be training me and he got quite shirty. Purely because he didn't know the answer to the question I was asking him. He got quite arsy with me. The new (ish) girl, who has not been trained properly in half the systems they use!
Well, Fuck me Brent, if my psychic radar isn't working I apologise profusely.
Anyway, all bets are off now, he can huff and puff as much as he wants, I'm going to do my job until something better comes up and I'm not giving any extra. He made me so mad, everyone else told me he was a loser, and I ignored their advice, thinking he was sweet. Boy was I wrong. Again.
Actually, I'm most annoyed because my instincts about people pretty much always let me down. Seriously. I am almost always wrong about people. The people I trust always end up stabbing me in the back and the people I make a note to avoid, because I don't like them, always end up being my best friends. I give up. Best in future not to form an opinion at all. :(
Old Jokes' Home:
A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep.
His wife is reading in bed. The man says,
"This is the pig that I fuck when you've
got a headache".
His wife retorts, "I think you'll find
that THAT is a sheep."
The man replies, "I think you'll find that
I was talking to the sheep."
Courtesy of www.popbitch.com (as I have absolutely no ideas of my own...)
MY WORST NIGHTMARE...
In Bogota, Columbia, gossip has been made illegal
by the mayor, punishable by up to four years in jail.
Courtesy of www.popbitch.com
Friday, May 27
Everybody want to stay in the Hotel De Dixon these days! The plush surroundings, four star food and magestic sweeping grounds make it a must see attraction for any tourist / bum / down-and-out.
Our unexpected houseguest arrived yesterday afternoon and Rocker immediately set about his favourite sport, Boy Baiting. (Our houseguest you see goes by the name The Boy, much to his changrin). Well, boys will be boys I suppose and they were soon hooked up intraveniously to the xbox and shouting insults at each other. I had to miss Hollyoaks for this!
The one thing I do like about The Boy (there are other things, he's not totally horrendous) is his knowledge of film. Now I am a film geek, I love talking about Auteurs, Cinematography, Film Noir etc, etc - and could go on for hours. Eyes usually glaze over when I start to speak, film is almost the only thing that gets me in such an excited state (almost, I said!), so it's nice to have someone who will talk back in the same way. And he wants to watch Sideways with me, which is even better - Rocker didn't seem to keen, "Another s*thouse movie, Boon?". So I don't mind having him around, it's ok by me.
I must say *** HAPPY BIRTHDAY *** to my baby bro - who is 25 years old today - I can hardly believe it. The littlest Hobo is now not so little. I actually quite like my brother, which believe me I might not have said a few years ago.
I fully accept I was probably just as horrible as he was, I used to ask my mum how long it took for her to get on with her brothers. She said ages and ages then one day it will all come together. I hope it will now. I would like to get to know him, sometimes I think I don't know anything about him, but at the same time as knowing exactly how his mind works. Because we are quite similar I think.
Mum says he is so much like my dad was that it's uncanny. He is the spit of what dad looked like when he was in his twenties. I miss my dad - I so wish he was around to meet us as we are now.
Tomorrow Rocker and I are escaping to a quiet table for two at a Chinese restaurant in town. I can't wait - the place is meant to be very good but pricey. I don't care. It's our anniversary, see. Three years on the 29th. Well, could technically be the 28th really as we finally 'got' it together around midnight ish, so it's a bit of a blurred line really. But three years of togetherness! I can hardly believe it.
Before Rocker the idea of spending three consecutive days with the same person was something of a record. Maybe that was my choice, maybe it was the sort of bloke I was associating myself with who knows?
I've been there done it all, married (unbeknownst to me), in a relationship with someone else (known to me, i'm ashamed to say), stalker (*shudder*), unrequited (more than once I might add, I used to thrive on the angst), weirdo, w*nker, gay, etc, every colour of the relationship rainbow.
At least now I can let myself go...
ooooh I feel bad now, for dissing Fabio - he seems a wonderful, INTERESTING man. 12 hours sleep per night? How the hell does one manage that? I'm lucky if I can do six! I think he'll make someone a wonderful husband, maybe I will call and offer my matchmaking services? Any one of y'all interested?
Real name: Fabio Lanzoni
"One of the 15 Greatest Men on Earth" - McCalls
"Sexiest Man in the World" - Cosmopolitan
"One of the 25 Most Intriguing People of the Year" - People
"God of Romance" - RT
Date of birth (location): 15 March 1961, Milan, Italy
He is still single
Height: 6' 3" Waist: 32" (STILL!) Chest: 48" Size 48 Jacket.
Biceps 18" Weight 220lbs (And nice to hug!)
Eyes: Blue (crystaline, fascinating)
Hair: Black - streaked and lightened to blond and sholder length
He introduced the fragrance "Mediterraneum" by Versace. (And it was wonderful!)
Pets: Great Danes, an occasional goldfish. His dogs have a maid to take care of them.
Favorite film (last time asked): "Dances with Wolves"
Bored with TV - but has several.
Likes off-road driving; dirt bikes. Enjoys life. Owns several cars. Likes comfort, speed.
Drinks - WATER - no coffee, beer, alcohol! Prefers healthy food. NO DESERT (there is a rumour that he likes pecan pie!) He used to drink coffee - but no more. Won't take medication. Careful about what goes into his body. Very health-conscious. Seldom ill.
Does NOT cook - likes to hang out in Italian cafes. Insists on getting 12 hours sleep a night! Doesn't like it when his schedule interfers with this!
Changing the subject very slightly, but rather worryingly, if you type in the words Sexiest Man in the World into Google - you get this picture of Fabio. Well, he says he's Falcon, but come on. We all know Fabio, right? (Bleurgh)*
* If any of you are fans / relatives / friends of Fabio, I apologise. I am sure Fabio is a very nice man. I bet he gives money to charities and I'm almost certain he treats his girlfriends (or boyfriends, I can't be sure my radar's a bit hazy...) well. He probably washes up every night, irons his socks and cleanses, tones and moisturises before bed. I bet he says his prayers. It's just he's not personally to my taste. I'm sorry, Fabio. I wish you Good Luck in your life though, I'm sure you will have a long fruitful life. Good luck keeping your hair glossy too. Also, nice rack...
Step 1 - The Options
This is for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of reading http://portaveritas.blogspot.com/ - Jesus Antonio is a very talented artist who has been kind enough to commission a work of art for me. Even kinder was to document each stage, which I have published for you now to see. Thanks again, Jesus Antonio x
Today I worked rather hard if I say so myself. I have decided, the perfect blend for me from now on will be two parts slack/three parts work. (Some weeks maybe the other way round...)
Had some snotty bitch on the phone today speaking to me like I was her maid or something. Please. You so picked the wrong person to talk down to.
I am rather feisty sometimes. You'd be proud. There ain't no flies on me.
I am getting a little bored of working in such a stuffy office. Very much an Accounts office, very conservative. Like a morgue. It hasn't got any more exciting. I am wondering if I can convince Brent to pay for my Web Design course?
10 Women I admire and Why
1. Wonder Woman - Obviously. Well, yes Lynda Carter of course, but the whole history of WW and how she came about is very interesting, she was dreamed up in 1947 by a gentleman called Charles Moulton, an inventor who also interestingly, was involved in the invention of the first ever lie detector. I think they may be connected in a small way, you know the Golden Lasso of Truth vs the Lie Detector? She was created as the antidote to a male dominated superhero world, and the intention was that she would inspire little girls every where to become anything they wanted to. So it is what she represents that I admire. Also, she has a great rack.
2. Barbra Streisand - to me is the most beautiful woman that ever lived. Even now I find her beautiful. I love the fact that she never gave in to plastic surgery and stayed true to herself. And she is funny. I. Flipping. Love. Her.
"I am simple, complex, generous, selfish, unattractive, beautiful, lazy, and driven."
Barbra Streisand
3. Bettie Page - another icon. Fiesty, sexy, naughty. Love her. Plus, she went mad and tried to stab up a bunch of people because God told her to. (Not that this is funny or amusing in any way - it's just part of her story).
For years I had my hair parted down the middle in a ponytail, tucked down around the sides... Well, I went and cut the bangs, and I've been wearing them ever since. They say it's my trademark. Bettie Page
I was never the girl next door. Bettie Page
4. My mother - perhaps another obvious choice but I f**king love my mother. She's so cool and she is always there for me. She's beautiful and strong and wonderful. Even if she wasn't my mother I would choose her for my friend. Even when she tells embarassing stories about me or tells me to stop wearing so much make-up and let my skin 'breath', I love her. Y'all should meet my mama she's wonderful.
5. Jackie Collins - she taught me how to lust! She taught me about penis' and sex and weird things. Most of all she taught me about glamour! For this I will always be grateful...
6. Madonna - Her Highness. The light of my life, the one I love. There isn't much you can say about Madge that hasn't already been said. I know this much though, If I was, I would, if you know what I'm saying?
I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams. Madonna Ciccone
I always thought I should be treated like a star. Madonna Ciccone
7. Jessica Stevenson - Some of you might not know her but she has to go on my list for the simple reason that she is cute, eccentric and funny as f*ck. And she was in one of the best shows of all time - Spaced.
8. Bette Davis - what a face. What a bitch.
Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work. Bette Davis
Everybody has a heart. Except some people. Bette Davis
9. Joan Crawford - you can't have one without the other. Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? One of the best films ever made. The biography, Joan & Bette The Divine Feud is a seriously good read.
During Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?, I knitted a scarf from Hollywood to Malibu. Joan Crawford
10. Judy Garland - just because she was so talented and so f**ked up. What a tragic life she lead.
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. Judy Garland
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. Judy Garland
I can live without money, but I cannot live without love. Judy Garland
50 Q Meme
50 Question Meme - yes another one!
What time did you get up this morning? 7 pm
Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds - though I prefer Rubies and I have never owned one
What was the last film you saw at the cinema? That stupid film "Kingdom of Heaven"
What is your favourite TV show? The Sopranos / Sex and the City (Joint 1st place)
What did you have for breakfast? Nothing
What is your middle name? Samantha
What is your favorite cuisine? Chinese or Japanese
What foods do you dislike? Custard, tomatoes, seafood
What is your favourite crisp/chip flavour? Prawn cocktail
What is your favourite CD at the moment? Tasty - Kelis
What kind of vehicle do you drive? I don't have a car (I have my license though)
Favourite sandwich? Duck
What characteristics do you despise? Patronising people and gormlessness
Favourite item of clothing? Jeans, ties
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Japan
What colour is your bathroom? Peach (it's quite horrible)
What colour pants are you wearing? Pillarbox Red
Where would you retire to? Canada or the South of France to a nice villa with a vineyard
Favourite time of the day? Night
What was your most memorable birthday? Twenty-first in Australia
Where were you born? Toronto
What's the last thing you ate? A Blue Ribbon chocolate biscuit (the ultimate in retro biscuits)
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Pink
Favorite flower? Rose or any kind of spring blossom makes me very happy
What fabric detergent do you use? Anything I don't care
Coke or Pepsi? Cherry Coke otherwise neither really
Do you wish on stars? Damn right I do
What is your shoe size? 7 (big for my height)
Do you have any pets? 3 snakes
Last person you talked to on the phone? Some rude bint in Accounts for some stupid company
What did you want to be when you were little? A lollipop lady
What are you meant to be doing now? Helping make dinner
What do you first notice about someone? Eyes and hands
Siblings? One, brother
What was your favourite toy as a child? Major Morgan. But I broke him by throwing him at my brother's head
Summer or winter? Autumn
Hugs or Kisses? Hugs
Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate
Who is most likely to respond? June, Shotzy
Who is least likely to respond? Shocking Fish as he is probably horizontal (the dirty beast)
Living arrangements? 3 bed surburban semi in God's Waiting Room
When was the last time you cried? Probably yesterday
What is under your bed? Probably one of the snakes
How many countries have you visited? A few. France, Germany, Holland, Australia, Canada, Spain - not enough really.
In how many cities have you lived? One - Brighton (but it wasn't always a City)
Favourite movie of all time? Zatoichi
Mountains or beach? Mountains - the beach bores me unless it's raining and the middle of winter
The current friend you have known the longest? Lucy
Full names of your potential kids? Pearl for a girl, not sure for a boy
Usual bedtime? Midnight ish - if I haven't already flaked out on the sofa
Thursday, May 26
Wondy's List of 50 of the SEXIEST Men Ever - as inspired by the Goddess that is Schotzy (I heart Schotzy).
Mine are in no order of preference, except the first one!
1. James Gandolfini (as Tony Soprano)
2. Sean Penn (He looks an intellectual, though possibly a bit up his own bum)
3. Robin Williams (I just want to cuddle him and be wrapped in his hairy forearms)
4. Bob Hoskins (ditto)
5. Viggo Mortensson (but only as Strider, never, ever, anywhere else)
6. Olivier Martinez (espec. Unfaithful, mmm)
7. Johnny Depp (because, he rocks and because, as PQ put it, looks sexy all the time, no matter what role)
8. Martin Freeman (love his nerdyness)
9. Simon Pegg (because it would be rude not to)
10. Vincent Cassel (love him)
11. Tim Burton (his mind, his talent, could use a comb through the hair,mind)
12. Vincent Price (I agree with Shotzy here - he had charisma and he inspired the works of Tim Burton)
13. Matt Damon (oooh)
14. Alan Rickman (especially in that Texas music vid where he dances with Sharleen Spiteri in the garage forecourt)
15. Clark Cable (real man, great moustache)
16. Ewan McGregor (never afraid to get his c*ck out)
17. Denzel Washington (Man on Fire especially)
18. Hugh Grant (sorry but I like his dancing)
19. Gael Garcia Bernal (fine, fine actor - pretty, pretty boy)
20. Sly Stallone (especially overweight and puffy in Cop Land)
21. Djimon Hounsou (the neighbour upstairs in In America, also see:Amistad)
22. Paddy Constantine (Dead Man's Shoes)
23. Robert Redford (yes, even now - Indecent Proposal? Bring it on!)
24. De Niro (I would)
25. Al Pacino (again, rude not to)
26. Edward Norton (mmm)
27. Takeshi Kitano (Zatochi)
28. Will Smith (he's tall)
29. Robbie Coltrane (he's big)
30. Hugh Hefner (he's cool)
31. George Clooney (he's predictable, but hey)
32. Ryhs Ifans (not sure why either)
33. Starsky (Paul Michael Glasier)
34. Owen Wilson (grrr)
35. Morgan Freeman (his smile!)
36. James Dean (the ultimate pretty boy)
37. Gary Oldman (he looks dirty)
38. Jean Reno ("No woman, no kids")
39. Ray Winstone (he looks fun)
40. Jet Li (especially in the upcoming movie Unleashed)
41. Harrison Ford (as Han Solo, or Indy, not fussed)
42. Christian Slater (awoke me teenage hormones)
43. Jack Nicholson (just to see)
44. Dustin Hoffman (exceedingly attractive for an older man)
47. "Big Pussy" Bonpenseiro (The Sopranos)
48. Russell Crowe (but ONLY in Gladiator)
49. Paul Giamatti (I'm sorry I love the hangdog looks)
50. Zach Braff (Garden State)
Another Film Meme - whoop de f**king do!
Instructions:
Highlight the ones you've seen, add three of your own, pass it on.
So, onward!
1. CITIZEN KANE (1941)
2. CASABLANCA (1942)
3. THE GODFATHER (1972)
4. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
5. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (1962)
6. THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939)
7. THE GRADUATE (1967)
8. ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)
9. SCHINDLER'S LIST (1993)
10. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952)
11. IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)
12. SUNSET BOULEVARD (1950)
13. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957)
14. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)
15. STAR WARS (1977)
16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)
17. THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)
18. PSYCHO (1960)
19. CHINATOWN (1974)
20. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975)
21. THE GRAPES OF WRATH (1940)
22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
23. THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)
24. RAGING BULL (1980)
25. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982)
26. DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)
27. BONNIE AND CLYDE (1967)
28. APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)
29. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)
30. THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948)
31. ANNIE HALL (1977)
32. THE GODFATHER PART II (1974)
33. HIGH NOON (1952)
34. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962)
35. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934)
36. MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969)
37. THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES (1946)
38. DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944)
39. DOCTOR ZHIVAGO (1965)
40. NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959)
41. WEST SIDE STORY (1961)
42. REAR WINDOW (1954)
43. KING KONG (1933)
44. THE BIRTH OF A NATION (1915)
45. A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951)
46. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)
47. TAXI DRIVER (1976)
48. JAWS (1975)
49. SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS (1937)
50. BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID (1969)
51. THE PHILADELPHIA STORY (1940)
52. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953)
53. AMADEUS (1984)
54. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930)
55. THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)
56. M*A*S*H (1970)
57. THE THIRD MAN (1949)
58. FANTASIA (1940)
59. REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955)
60. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)
61. VERTIGO (1958)
62. TOOTSIE (1982)
63. STAGECOACH (1939)
64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)
65. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)
66. NETWORK (1976)
67. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962)
68. AN AMERICAN IN PARIS (1951)
69. SHANE (1953)
70. THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971)
71. FORREST GUMP (1994)
72. BEN-HUR (1959)
73. WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939)
74. THE GOLD RUSH (1925)
75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)
76. CITY LIGHTS (1931)
77. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)
78. ROCKY (1976)
79. THE DEER HUNTER (1978)
80. THE WILD BUNCH (1969)
81. MODERN TIMES (1936)
82. GIANT (1956)
83. PLATOON (1986)
84. FARGO (1996)
85. DUCK SOUP (1933)
86. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935)
87. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
88. EASY RIDER (1969)
89. PATTON (1970)
90. THE JAZZ SINGER (1927)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964)
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951)
93. THE APARTMENT (1960)
94. GOODFELLAS (1990)
95. PULP FICTION (1994)
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956)
97. BRINGING UP BABY (1938)
98. UNFORGIVEN (1992)
99. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER (1967)
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)
101. THE CAINE MUTINY (1954)
102. METROPOLIS (1927)
103. PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE (1959)
Ones I've added:
104. City of God (2002)
105. Pink Flamingos (1972)
106. Battle Royale (2000)
I swear to God Worthing gets more and more like a George. A. Romero movie every time I go down there. Every bus journey is dominated by the walking dead. The dribbling Zombies of poor B-Movies, the ones that grunt and fart and growl and push you.
Don't get me wrong I like old people, I just couldn't eat a whole one. I like them when they smell like lavender, offer me polo mints and talk about the war. I DO NOT LIKE THEM when they grunt, truff, huff, puff, groan, moan, whinge, pinch, glare, stare and mumble next to you. I don't like it when they think you owe them a living. Perhaps we do owe them a living, in a small way, but we're not all gum chewing muggers in hooded tops. Some of us are respectable pillars of the community too. (ha ha not me though - stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Grandma!)
Rocker's Granny is 94 years old and the most remarkable person you ever could meet. She's fiercely independant still and you can slag off old people to her and she nods wisely and says things like "oh, I know dear".
I don't consider her one of the walking dead. She's brilliant. Because she hasn't given up on life like the Polyester Crew. She still has something to smile about, she still wears hot pink cardigans and encourages naughty behaviour. She rules.
1. What's your gender: All Woman (Lisa Stansfield)
2. Describe yourself: Red Headed Woman (Bruce Springsteen)
3. How do some people feel about you: The B*tch is Back (Elton John)
4. How do you feel about yourself: Fat Bottomed Girls (Queen)
5. Describe your ex partner: Creep (TLC)
6. Describe current partner: My Funny Valentine (Ella Fitzgerald)
7. Describe where you want to be: Up Where We Belong (Joe Cocker & JenniferWarnes)
8. Describe how you live: My Way (The Sex Pistols)
9. Describe how you love: The Power of Love (Frankie Goes to Hollywood)
(I'll protect you from the hooded claw Keep the vampires from your door When the chips are down I'll be around With my undying, death-defying Love for you )
10. What would u ask for if u had just one wish: Rasberry Berret (Prince)
11. Share a few words of Wisdom: Express Yourself (Madonna)
12. Now say goodbye: Say Hello, Wave Goodbye (David Gray)
Wednesday, May 25
*** Welcome Home Bro! ***
My brother doesn't even read this post. I doubt he has any interest in his boring big sis now he is an international playboy, he never did think I was all that cool.
In fact I was always an embarassment to him, never went to the coolest places, certainly never had the coolest friends. If I recall, by far, the best insult I ever heard uttered by my grumpy bugger of a brother was "God, you're such a groupie for the underdog!". (This aimed at my insistence that all minorities deserved equal rights - homosexuals, lesbians, badgers, goats and hysterical, toothless Middle Easten European women - how naive am I!) - to this day I swear if I ever get round to writing that novel, that will be the title.
One day I finally saw some sort of respect for me twinkle in his eye when he asked me to name as many Robert De Niro films as I could. 20+ with bells on, dear brother - "Not too bad for a girl".
Love you bro.
My mate, Marmite
This post is aimed at my good friend Shocking Fish, the dry wit and mastermind behind such wonderful conversations as "Does my bum look big in this silver lame tube dress?" and "What time do you want me at P.Diddy's?"
I love this guy.
He is handsome *swoon* (you will have to take my word for this ladies, as he has yet to post any pictures of himself on his page, but he is six foot tall, solid - has sparkly eyes, wondrous skin and a smile that makes Tickle Me Elmo look positively mardy) - he is funny (funny ha ha, only slightly funny peculiar), is a wonderful shopping partner ("It costs £40 for 1? Buy two, go on you deserve it love, you're fabulous!"), is an excellent date (social, friendly and won't try for a drunken fumble - a wonderful stand-in to the boyfriend, who doesn't always want to go to these 'events') but most of all I love the fact that we have fun whatever we do.
Here's to you Shocking Fish* - Prince amoung Men *Chink* (that's me chinking my glass in his honour)
*NB: Shocking Fish is available for weddings, funerals, and bar mitzvahs - please call Wondy Enterprises for more information - prices, most competitive in town, very discreet...
Run Rabbit Run Rabbit Run Run
I have a Rabbit shaped stalker. He's about ten inches long, brown and erm, hoppy.
I have a big thing about Rabbits, I love them, I want to get an Indoor Bunny but can't in case one of the snakes snacks on him - but I can dream. And every morning on the way to work and at 4.30 pm on the dot when I leave, there he (or she) is waiting for me.
Bunny gives me a cheeky little wink (or would if he/she could) then hops of into the distance. Bunny is there every morning and every evening without fail. I love Bunny. Bunny makes my day, every day.
Another day nearer the weekend!
No slacking for yours truly today. That will have to be cast aside until at least tomorrow. Brent was in the office in a huff-puff mood so I had to work. I sit right in front of him and he could read my screen if he so desired. Not that I think he would bother.
If he did he'd only be reading blogs all day - he might start to chill out a bit if he did!
It was an uneventful day really, lots of work done. I spoke to a wonderful Japanese woman today. I couldn't understand a word she was saying but her voice was like hot butter, I love the Japanese! I wish I was Japanese.
Chez Rocker we might be taking some paying lodgers for a while. They are friends of Rocker, I suppose friends of mine, South African, a couple. The more the merrier I guess - but I hate not being able to walk around with my bazookas free. (Too much information I'm sure, but I hate feeling restricted!) Anyway, there will be no free rides this time in this household, every long termer pays their way and helps out!
Two people recently have complimented me on my creative skills (one of them was Rocker's ex-wife, that compliment I take very seriously), which got me to thinking about maybe a night class in web design. While I really know nothing about anything I would certainly enjoy the tinkering.
Shocking Fish have you got any ideas to get me started? (SF is a designer, you see)
Tuesday, May 24
I think I deserve a big pat on the back for managing to slack for almost the entire day, whilst creating the illusion of busyness. I have been surfing, shopping, doodling, twiddling (my thumbs), whistling, humming, giggling and thinking up horrific torture methods for the Crazy Frog.
They will surely notice soon that their new girl is a lazy bint, but I'm so bored. I want to break free (I want to break FREE, I want to break free from your lies, you're so self satisfied, I don't need YOOOOOO) - I want to be challenged. Goldilocks (that's my colleague in Credit Control, she's a part timer, she's nice) is going on holiday to Ibeefa on Wednesday, so I will be all on my lonesome, with only Medieval Girl for company (yey). She's so much more fun. Together we can make some excitement for ourselves!
I can't wait. Tomorrow we are 'touching base' all day with Brent. Fantastic. Now how am I going to get If You Don't Know Me By Now out of my head whenever he speaks?*
* For any non-Brits, this is a reference to The Office. You may or may not have had it where you are. If not, get it on DVD, it's genius.
Monday, May 23
While my blog gets the care and attention it deserves:
Song Meme II Happy Songs from http://schotzy.blogspot.com/
1. Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman - I am not sure if this is
strictly a Happy song but it makes me happy and I like to dance around
in the kitchen to it.
2. Never Forget by Take That - Come on, does it get any better than
this? This is the getting ready to go out song, love it.
3. No More Tears (Enough is Enough) by Barbara Streisand and Donna
Summer - This is THE anthem, the 'no-man-is-ever-gonna-mess-me-
about-no-way-sister' song. I love that it starts off a ballad then kicks in
with the ultimate disco song. Those two voices SOAR.
4. Holiday by Madonna - enough said. It needs no explanation really.
and 5. You Got The Love by Candi Staton - I remember it first time
around but in the final episode of Sex and the City it really, really
made me cry, not with sadness but with pure happiness!
I tag:
V - The Prettiest Star
Jesus Antonio
and The Peanut Queen
*** Please bear with me - my blog got sick and is now in intensive
surgery. Vital signs are good at present, we're just holding up and
praying things will be ok...
Some extensive cosmetic surgery may be done over the next day
or so, when you see the blog again it may come as a surprise,
please be sure it is the same blog, with the same feelings inside,
the same heart beating beneath it's exterior... ***
I just watched Garden State and it was really good.
At first I was a bit dubious, but that soon subsided about twenty
minutes in. Actually round about the time Natalie Portman comes in.
She lights up the screen. She has totally earned back her place in my
good books after this. She's back up there with Leon now, though
she'll never top that honestly but well, let's put it this way, all memory
of Princess Amidala is erased (for now).
Zach Braff wrote, directed and starred in it. Now that is talent. I wish
I could be like that. He's brilliant (and cute? mmm) - you should see it.
I got tagged by the lovely V - www.theprettieststar.blogspot.com
Hurrah it's the music Meme!
Total volume of music files on my computer? Haven't the foggiest,
probably quite a few on iTunes, but they aren't downloaded from the
net, they are just me CDs burned onto the ipod. I am really dumb at
this downloading stuff, Rocker has to show me.
The last CD I bought was? Tommy by The Who. I LOVE the film
Tommy, it does things to me. (And holds a lot of personal
memories for me...)
Song playing right now? Something by Coldplay - the one that goes
"we live in beautiful worlds, yeah we do yeah we do..."- I really
have no idea of the title, but I like it. (I'm terrible with music, I
don't know anything about it, I just know what I like.)
Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me:
1. Son of a Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield - just because it lifts me
up and how can you not love Dusty?
2. Don't Stop Me Now by Queen - Freddie's voice was INCREDIBLE,
as was his energy and this is what I consider to be, my anthem.
3. It's Been Awhile by Staind - the lyrics are lovely and it helped me
through some bad stuff a good few years back.
4. Never Tear Us Apart by Inxs - this makes me want to cry, it also
reminds me of Michael Hutch and it saddens me that such talent has
gone to waste. He was wonderful and I can't believe he's gone.
5. Unpretty by TLC - again, sad - because Lefteye has gone but aside
from that this song is very inspiring. When we went to see the Vagina
Monologues they played this song at the end and Darkroom Girl and
I both cried. I'm not sure why now.
There are so many songs to choose from - that one is hard!
Now, I tag:
June
Shocking Fish
Jesus Antonio
Scholtzy
Memphis Steve
Sunday, May 22
Ah, Sunday lovely Sunday
I can't believe how much of the weekend I have wasted already.
It's already gone 2pm on Sunday and I have done bugger all.
Well, I say bugger all, I have been shopping (yesterday), slept in late
(yesterday and today), started tidying my room
(how very "Muuuum, it IS tidy!"), given up on that because it was
boring, stared watching the TV series Traffik with Rocker, got bored
of that, got bored of Patriot Games and started reading Belle De Jour
(which is not boring, it's very graphic and rather saucy).
I must... get... out! I'm going to have Rocker take me out somewhere
to get some fresh air.
I am starting to think seriously about our emigration plan, I can't
wait to move to Canada. I can't wait five years! I can't be a member
of the rat race for all that time! I can't keep living for the weekends
and wishing my time away - it's a waste of life. This is where my
photography project comes in, I want to remind myself that there is
beauty all around me just waiting to be discovered. And then when
I finally get to Canada I can say I loved my life in Britain but I am
ready for a new adventure now!
Just waiting now for the papers to come back and to save up enough
money from this house to be able to buy a place outright when we
get to Canada, wherever it is we decide to settle. My heart is set
on Moosejaw - yes, it actually exsists. June says it is a lovely place
to visit, I think it will be first on my list of places to check out!
Today my mother went to pick up The First Lady from the airport.
The First Lady is my brother's American girlfriend's mom. I call her
The First Lady because you would think she was from the way the
red carpet is being laid out for her! Mumsy has had all the doors
changed (originals damaged by my brother's teenage tantrums) and
decorated the spare room in honour of The First Lady. Oh, it is under
the guise of "you and Rocker will have your own room when you
come to stay..." but I know the truth. Mumsy is keeping up with
the Jones'!
I love my mother, she is the most wonderful person. I feel protective
of her though, maybe in the way she has felt protective over me all
these years. I hate the thought of anyone taking advantage (not that
The First Lady is, I know this) - My brother, PW (Poopsy-Whoopsy)
flies back from India on the 23rd and then out again on the 31st.
His 25th brithday is the 27th and he has already emailed me a LIST
of CDs he wants me to get him. A list!
I love my brother too, but he really can be a royal pain in the proverbial!
Saturday, May 21
I was bad. I just bought three more DVDs to add to the collection, without a second thought for my finances (or lack of them), I must be punished... Ah, who am I trying to kid? Virgin have a 3 for £20 offer on so I bought: Saw (it's sick!), Man on Fire (I love you Densel) and 2001: A Space Odyssey (This was my father's favourite film). I think I did rather well.
I also got The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl by Belle De Jour, which looks rather juicy. Belle De Jour was one of the original bloggers and had an award winning weblog accessed by over 15,000 every day!
The Bitch Goddess Handbook arrived in the mail as well this morning so I have a pleasant pile of things to read and see over the next few days so I don't really feel guilty. Like a wise man once said: "Die in debt, make a profit in life..." Touche!
Film Meme - courtesy of: http://darnedtoheck.blogspot.com/ (Random Acts).
Total number of films I own on DVD/video:
I now own about 300-350. Yes, I know this is excessive and I was the first person to say I didn't want to change over to DVD when it started coming out but f**k it, I got obsessed and now between us Rocker and I have about 700. And, no, we can never ever agree on what to watch. I like sh*t house, foreign cr*p (his words) and he like his godawful boring war movies (my words) - and don't even get him started on the crappy dance movies, even the sight of Kevin Bacon giving it his all in the abandoned barn in Footloose won't coax him out...
The last film I bought: Up until yesterday I had been good and hadn't bought anything but yesterday I got Sideways and Garden State. I just ordered The Emerald Forest off the internet too, by John Boorman. It's brilliant, it was based on a small article John Boorman saw in a newspaper about a father who had lost his son to a tribe of wild people in the rain forest. It's gripping.
The last film I watched:On TV:
The Quest with Jean Claude 'Muscles from Brussels' Van Damme(you suck). I actually LOVED this movie. Richard Wright from Sex and the City was in it too, and he seems to be in every movie ever made almost but I had never noticed him before he broke Samantha's heart. ("Dirty Martini? Dirty Bastard!").
It was about an ultimate fighting championship type thingy and Jean Claude was there to seek vengeance for something, I forget now what. Actually, I have a soft spot for Jean Claude. Not in a fancying him way but he looks a gent, maybe a bit sensitive and he'd carry your shopping bags I think. My mother LOVES Jean Claude Van Damme movies, they were a staple for a while in our household... Could that count as very mild child abuse?
In the theater:
Kingdom of Heaven. It was boring and I don't like Orlando. At all.
Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
The Star Wars Trilogy means the world to me. Predictable I know but growing up, many a rainy afternoon was spent huddled up on the settee watching them over and over again, sometimes finishing it then rewinding it straight away and starting all over again. I just have to hear the theme and I go weak at the knees, I just heard it a few minutes ago on the tv where they were showing the London premiere of the movie and I got goosebumps.
Clash of the Titans - again this gets on the list for nostalgic reasons but also because I am a great fan of those Ray Harryhausen movies. I love the terrible special effects (wonderful by 1981 standards), I love the greek mythology, I love Pegasus and I love the Titan. This never fails to drag me away from my every day life.
Dirty Dancing - "Nobody puts baby in a corner!" - what can I say? I love this movie with all my heart. Who doesn't?
("Come on, ladies. God wouldn't have given you maracas if He didn't want you to shake 'em. ",
"I carried a watermelon.", etc, etc). I rest my case.
Zatoichi - God, words cannot describe how I feel about this movie. It makes my heart soar. It's is beautiful, funny, heartbreaking, exciting, romantic - possibly, very possibly, my favourite film of all time... Please please see it, it's wonderful.
The Cook, the Thief, his Wife and her Lover - perfect in every way. A fine cast, wonderfully shot, costumes by Jean Paul Gaultier, it's sinister, sexy, triumphant, sick, it's perfect. I love watching this film - it reminds me of the late night arty flicks I used to stumble across late at night in my room as a teenager. It's films like this that inspired my love of film. Film is my first love.
Right - now I have to tag 5 people - so I choose:
Shocking Fish
June
The Prettiest Star
Jesus Antonio
Rainy Pete
Schotzy
Oh that's six - never mind, so sue me!
Can't wait to read them!
I have decided to make a New Year's resolution, in the middle of May and nowhere near the beginning of the new year... I am going to get into photography. I am going to take pictures of absolutely everything, friends, my workplace, random people on the bus - there are so many cool or beautiful things in life that we should celebrate, I am going to do just that!
Unfortunately, my wonderful camera phone was dropped down the loo this morning *shudder* - so I will temporarily be using the webcam, which isn't digital - so quality might not be perfect to start off.
Oooh this feels like a new project I am going to enjoy!!
Jesus Antonio's virtual Wonder Woman commission is coming along swimmingly, swing by if you get the time and check out his work, he's very talented and also, a real sweety:
http://portaveritas.blogspot.com/
Good luck with Lupita this weekend, Jesus "wonder gentleman" Antonio
Friday, May 20
Still waiting on tenderhooks to see if I have got my lovely boyfriend the sack...
If I have I don't know how I'll make this one up to him. He loves it there. It is a temp job though and he was due to finish next friday but no, that isn't the point. He loves it and was hoping they would keep him on.
Technically he hasn't done anything wrong, he just received an email from his dozy woman saying the word sh*tty. As in 'I feel...'. Well Ifeel 100 times worse now, I can tell you!
Oooooo, it's the waiting that's the worst part, I just want him to tell me he's ok, or not. And of course I can't receive a text now because my beloved phone is drying out by the radiator as we speak. Hmpf.
Good grief what a sucky day.
Well, today is just great. It's raining. Again.
Look, I do not mind a little bit of moisture in the air every now and again. I don't mind, because it refills our lakes, waters our lawns and trees, makes frogs happy (but not that F**king Frog) and generally is rather useful. Hell, it gives me an excuse to be idol some weekends and not leave the confines of my sofa, freeing me up to watching re-runs ofStarsky & Hutch with Rocker and dribble over Starky's lovely lazy blue eyes.
What I do mind is being subjected to it more often than not, and getting the bottoms of my jeans soggy on the way to work. Hmpf.
I also hate the way in makes my hair look. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those lucky glossy haired vixens. My hair is red, big and prone to poofiness. I just about have it under control when it friggin' rains and - shazzam - it's a big ginger 'fro with a little person trapped underneath it.
Today I have to go to town to buy my aunt a birthday present, I think I shall treat myself to a Big Mac Meal. Mmmmmm.
I know it's not very sophisticated and I may have earned more cool points for saying I was planning to dine at an exclusive french bistro, but - dammit - I LOVE BIG MACS!
I have just send an email to my boyfriend at his work and it got blocked for using profanity. They now want him to speak to the big boss. Sh*t. Ithink I may have just got him the sack... Fingers crossed I haven't... Sh*t.Sh*t. Sh*t.
Oh yes, and top it all off I just went to the loo and dropped my phone in it. And it was full. Won. Derful.
My beloved wonderful phone is now flickering like god knows what and I have no money to replace it. Life is great today. I think my seven years bad luck starts now...
My best friend Yo-Yo Knicks met her hero last night at the theatre. Who was this special person, this surreal hunk of celebrity wonder? It was.......dum dum dum........
DUM.... (shout in background - "GET ON WITH IT FOR F**K'S SAKE!")
It was... Leslie Grantham*!
(!)
Ever since we were mere slips of girls, Yo Yo has had an unquenchable lust for Leslie 'finger sucking' Grantham**.
Dirty Den was the epitome of thebad boy, the jack the lad, wheeler dealer, naughty man with a heart. Yo Yo loved him. And last night her dreams were finally fulfilled. She is now whole.
Dear sweet Jesus.
* For all those non-Brits, Leslie Gratham played Dirty Den in hit soap Eastenders, and was in fact in the first episode. He's the first person you see, you see? Why people bothered to tune in for episode two after that, beats me, but Eastenders to this day is still very popular, though how much more of Pauline's whinging AND her cardigans I can take, I just don't know...
** It doesn't stop there, I'm afraid. Leslie Grantham recently got himself involved in a nice bit of juicy tabloid scandal when he went online, fiddled with his plums a bit and, for his party trick, sucked his own fingers seductively.
The best bit was, while trying to seduce this mystery online 'girl' who he had never met before, he proceeded to slag off each and every one of his Eastenders co-stars, including Dame Babs Windsor (IS she a Dame?) of Carry On fame.
Big mistake, Gratham! (Oi, Gratham NO! and all manner of other lame catchphrases). So the bosses caught wind (or opened up the Screws of theWorld over their Ready Brek one Sunday morning) and promptly axed him. For axed, please read killed him off (again) - for Dirty Den died, not once -but twice!
The moral of this story? If you're going to film yourself sucking your own fingers for the world to see, don't slag off you colleagues while you're doing it. (Get a blog instead and do it all on there...)
Oh no, I've really gone and done it now. I've only gone and got myself addicted.
No no, not to smack, crack or tobacc(o) - no, it's much much worst - it's Celebrity Love Island (AKA. Twelve Z list ego machines fanny about on a beach in next to nothing, showing us what they had for breakfast...)
Life, as we know it is over for me, until it finishes.
Oh, but that Titmuss ooooh does she deserve a smack. She might be (vaguely) attractive but she is a grade A wanker. I just love to hate her....
Right off to bed with me, to lie down, all this celebrity action has me feeling terribly vexed...
Ta ra
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The contents of Wondy's handbag.
If, like me, you love the idea of rifling through the random contents of strangers handbags - join me in sharing your lives! My life lives in my bag. My bag is the most important thing to me. Everything that makes me tick is in there.
My handbag includes:
The beloved ipod
My purse
Dandelion Blusher by Benefit
Keys
The Promise of Happiness by Justin Cartwright
Credit Card bill (large)
Ibuprofen
Make-up bag
Blue Biro
Comb
Almond Oil Daily Hand & Nail Cream by The Body Shop
Gold Rider Bus Ticket
Tinted Lip Conditioner by MAC
Nail Buffer
Post it note (blank)
Hair Bobble
Contraceptive Pill Packet
Poison Purple Nail Colour by The Body Shop
Shopping List from friend of things to get her from The Body Shop discount store
Does anyone else want to share the contents of their handbags? I like to think you can tell a lot by what a person surrounds themselves with. I think I must be vain as I have a lot of make-up in my bag. Or maybe I am just hideously disfigured... you decide.
Let's start again shall we?
So today was a feisty day - having to kick some butt with some incompetent accounts departments. God, I'm good. Kicking butt is fun! I really should do it for a living. Oh yeah, I do, hurray!
Brent kept heavy sighing in his little corner.
Fuckface sent me an email saying: "please" and "thank you". I know, I nearly asked him if he'd sent it to the wrong person.
Boy Mad has a cold too so she was relatively quiet and not so boy mad today. (NB: I would like to state that I don't think there is nothing wrong with being boy mad. Hell, I used to be, before I lost the energy and the inclination. And I still appreciate a very pretty, nice eyed, nice handed, muscular arms, a bit of stubble, hmmm, strong forearms.... boy *dribble*. Where was I? Yeeah, anyway, it's just come on, Boy Mad refused to wear a white coat around the factory where they make nuts & bolts for our company 'in case' someone saw her and she looked silly. I have been to the factory believe me, there is nothing vaguely attractive lurking in there...)
An otherwise slacky day all round. Hurrah. I have taken to reading all my favourite blogs at work now, minimising my screen sometimes to about one millimetre squared. Then I read it word by word like a mad woman. I fear I am becoming obsessed with other people's lives! I don't dare post on my page though 'cos I slag off work too much. It reminds me of that girl who used to work at the White House and was doing it with some of her male colleagues and wrote all about them on a weblog but got busted and then sacked.
On the plus side though I think she got a book published so not all bad.... hmmm *chin scratch*
Something tells me there will be no book deal based on my 'kerayzee' antics in the 'wacky' world of Accounts, especially not for a company that sells nuts and bolts for light aircraft... wow.
But a girl can dream...
It's been raining all blimmin' day, I have the flu and that flamin' f**king frog has bled my eardrums three times since I got home at 5.30pm. There is something rotten here in Denmark....
... Except it is actually , depressing damp Britain.
Oh shit - I kid you not there's another crazy frog advert - I have just seen it. Can someone lend me a razor blade please? (Oh no, not for me, for the flamin' frog...) *breath breath*
Ok I am finishing this post here and starting a fresh one... *Phew Phew* (That's me breathing calmly).
Thursday, May 19
I HATE HATE HATE that f**king frog! Seriously, for the love of all that is unholy - why, why, WHY do we have to put up with this intrusion into our lives?
Every twenty minutes my ear drums are reduced to lumps of quivering blancmange by the sounds of that stupid theme song from Beverly Hills Cop and that fucking ding ding dong dong shit. Seriously, when will it end? I want to stab myself repeatedly in the eye balls with a stick everytime it comes on. Please please somebody do something...
(For anyone not living in the UK, you might not have experienced the power of the f**king frog. Consider yourself lucky. Oh, and can I come and stay with you until this whole thing blows over?)
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Yey - I have been mentioned on another page:
The Peanut Queen's Lair - http://stacy68.blogspot.com/
It's f**king brilliant this page!
Check out the wonderful Jesus' Antonio's website: http://portaveritas.blogspot.com - he is a very talented gentleman who is very kindly working a commission for your truly.
He really is good at this art malarkey - and seems to know exactly what I would want out of it.
Hurray for Jesus Antonio!
Ps. After he's done mine, he's going to do June's. I can't wait!
Email of the day:
>GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
>
>1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
>2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
>3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
>second person.
>4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
>5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
>6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
>7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
>8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
>9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
>10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
>
>
>
>
>GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
>
>1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
>2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
>3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
>4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
>5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
>6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the
>toy.
>
>
>
>GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
>
>1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
>2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
>3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're
>down there.
>4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
>chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
>5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to
>ask you the questions.
>6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
>7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
I was v.v.v.v.v.v. bored today at work so I wrote another one of these. Call it therapy.
100, No 50 more things about me. (Oh ok 100 more things about me)
I have given this task to myself today because my head is bunged up, I feel miserable and all the bosses are out of the office…
I really enjoy scratching my head in my spare time, not in a self-harming tugging my hair out kind of way but just having a good scratch. I’ve always done it. I don’t have lice or anything.
When I was at college I had to back out of a date with the world’s most sexy boy (or so I thought at the time) because I did have head lice. I was 17. He never found out. And yes I did win him back. For about five minutes.
I believe I am the luckiest girl in the world because I have Rocker. When I see him my heart swells with love. I could gush about it but it’s a bit pukey – I just don’t think he knows how much I love him because I can be crappy at expressing myself and showing emotion.
I can be crappy at expressing myself and showing emotion.
I am really lazy and if I could I would spend all day in bed and watching old movies.
I am a Star Wars super-freak and used to dream I was Princess Leia being rescued by a Stormtrooper. Yes, a Stormtrooper, so much shinier that Harrison Ford.
One of the funniest things I read about around September 11 was this story by a journalist who says that when the first plane hit, she ran down into the foyer of the hotel she was staying at from her room, confused as to what was going on – into to the arms of fellow guest, Harrison Ford. She wrote something along the lines of: “I just knew whatever was happening, I would be safe if I stayed with Indiana Jones”. I really hope that’s a true story.
I am currently dripping snot all over my keyboard.
I am really hungry and might get chocolate in a minute.
And I think it surely must be time for a fresh cup of tea.
I drink between 10 – 15 cups of tea a day. I sometimes take sugar, sometimes not. Depending on my mood.
I can be really very boring sometimes.
There are lots of very famous films I have never seen: The Godfather. Platoon, It’s a Wonderful Life. Harvey. Hell, I have the DVD of Citizen Kane but I have never watched it all the way through…
Sometimes my bosses’ use accounting phrases I don’t understand and I never ask them what they mean, as then I would look really stupid.
Sometimes people use long words I don’t understand that I have to look up in the dictionary quickly before I have to admit I don’t understand them.
A wise person (I forget who) once told me; never use a word you don’t understand. So I don’t.
My favourite word is ‘Shenanigan’.
My lucky number is 25. Though I actually doubt whether it is actually lucky.
I broke a mirror about a month ago and am bracing myself for seven years of bad luck. Like I’d be able to tell the difference.
My favourite saying is: “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, then it never was.” I used to quote this to my best friend Lucy all the time as teenage tearaways. We would both nod wisely and say: “That is so true.” Usually after we had been dumped.
We also made up a dance to “I Will Survive”. I still remember the moves.
I have never stolen anything from a store in my life. I’ve always been too scared.
Hold on, I better do a bit of work for a few minutes to keep up appearances…
I’m back now. I have a terrible magazine addiction but have recently cut down considerably from spending about £50+ per week to about £30. For me this is good. Our bedroom is covered on one side in magazines and it drives Rocker nuts. But they did come in handy when our bed broke and they proper it back up. Who was laughing then!
I believe the best therapy is an afternoon watching weepy chick flicks and eating crisps.
I really hate answering the phone. And if my mobile says ‘Private Number’ I never answer it. I always worry it’s someone calling to shout at me for not paying them. Even though I always pay everyone on time.
I love gherkins. But I only really like one brand and they have to be Mrs Elswood Haimisha cucumbers.
I am now thinking about sandwiches – beef & horseradish, salmon & cucumber, salmon & dill, chicken Caesar salad sandwich, ham & mustard, duck in hoi sin sauce, mmmmmmm (*dribble*)
Property programmes are just the best. Especially Relocation, Relocation. But I envy the people on it, getting to buy not one, but two properties.
I dream of owning a holiday home – maybe a cabin in the woods, like the ones in horror movies, where sinister writers always go to finish their novels. Obviously minus the sinister writer though, thanks.
I love the word ‘Sinister’. Note to self: Must use more.
My biggest pet hate is people walking without picking up their feet. That’s not walking, that’s sliding and don’t be so bloody lazy!
I really get driven nuts by screaming children on the bus in the morning. This may make me seem cold and a bit of a non-maternal bitch but it bugs me. (Please note: I do not mean children who are genuinely distressed. I mean brattish, attention-seeking little monsters whose mothers can’t control them, the ones that climb all over the seats and pull people’s hair. Yes, this has happened to me – arrgh)
When I was a mere slip of a girl my ambition was to be a Lollypop lady when I grew up. (This was after the Wonder Woman phase of a few years previously; I had obviously decided to lower my standards). My theory as to why this would be a cool job were: a) You only have to work a few hours everyday, b) you get to jump out into the road and the traffic HAS to stop, c) you get school holidays and finally d) you get to hold up a giant lollypop for crissakes! (I think maybe I believed it was a real giant lollypop…)
I think the Two Ronnies are actually comic geniuses. But my uncle works at Gatwick Airport and he says Ronnie Corbett is a dick.
I have a morbid fear of polo necks and have never truly forgiven my mother for trapping me for hours (seconds) inside a canary yellow polo neck.
I have never had my hair any other colour than red. It’s always stayed within the region of red, even when it’s been practically black. I would love to go blond one day but I’m scared.
Hairdressers terrify me. I always come out with a nuclear mushroom cloud for a hairdo. Once I had my hair cut and straightened at Toni & Guy – that time I felt like a goddess when I left – shame it rained moments later, leaving me looking like a wet dog.
I love swearing. I know it is not very ladylike but I swear all the time, to myself, no-one else. My favourite word is F**k.
When I was young I used to fantasise with my friend Catherine that we’d been adopted and were really princesses.
I am crap at pool. People think I may be pretending to be that crap to lull them into a false sense of security, but alas, no I really am just that crap.
My favourite colour is Pink. I was always told as a child with red hair I couldn’t wear Pink or Red so now I’m an adult I like to overdose on them!
I never really got the whole Princess Di obsession thing. While I will always remember where I was when they announced the news (in a club in London, off my tits) and feel awful that it happened, people seem to forget that she was no saint. And don’t even get me started on the whole Panorama interview…
I think it’s fab that Charles & Camilla can be together now.
Spiders don’t scare me and I always rescue them if I can. I also like to rescue woodlice when I see them on the pavement, in case someone treads on them. This may be the legacy of my Buddhist mother – who believes you should not harm another of God’s creatures, ever.
My favourite album is Yourself or Someone Like You by Matchbox Twenty. I am not sure why but I just love, love, love it.
My favourite ever badge says “Whoop de f**king do”. Tank Girl got it for me recently.
I love badges; they never fail to cheer me up. And they are cheap.
I like cheap things.
I am a cheap date.
Drive Thru and doing it twice is enough to impress me.
I was going to stop at 50 but I may as well battle on.
Whenever Tank Girl reads this website: http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/ - she says it reminds her of me. Like I’m that sarcastic…!
I’ve been wanting to read The Bitch Goddesses Handbook by Martha O’Connor for a while as I heard it was awesome. So I just ordered it off the Internet.
I love reading and wish I could do it more, but Rocker teases me about being a bookworm so I don’t do it enough.
I think I might be a very good gardener but I am too lazy to find out.
Ditto, cooking.
I am banned from the kitchen at home because I am a clumsy oaf who just drops things. I am allowed to make tea though. On my own. Unsupervised.
I wish I’d never got a credit card. They truly are pure unadulterated evil. I thought it was my best friend but it’s actually just stabbed me in the back.
I haven’t bought anything new for a while. Except the new bag I got on Friday, and the book I just ordered… Ho hum
I love being nosey. I hate not knowing what is going on. If I was a neighbourhood cliché, I would be the old woman who twitches the curtains in her house while trying to spy on my neighbours.
I love lists like these. Not my own, but reading other peoples.
This exercise is mostly to keep me awake today and looking busy.
I want my mommy.
I want a hot water bottle and my cuddly Jeremy Fisher.
I hate people who can’t be individual.
I hate music or movie snobs. When I went to the Brighton Film School to do my Cinematography course all the film geeks laughed at me when I said my favourite ever film was The Nightmare Before Christmas. When they were asked they all piped up, in unison: “Goodfellas”. Enough said. (NB: While Goodfellas is indeed a very fine film, there are other films of a superior quality out there boys, open your minds…)
I prefer Goodfellas to Casino. Rocker prefers Casino.
I loved Sharon Stone in Casino.
I prefer Mad Max by far to Mad Max 2. Rocker prefers Mad Max 2.
Rocker calls my DVD collection my ‘Sh*thouse’ collection, as it is predominantly Art house and foreign movies.
I love the film Amores Perros and have bought it for about 3 of my friends. It means Love of Dogs and intertwines the stories of three different characters. I bought it for my brother but he has never watched it. If you get the chance, watch it, it rules.
I have been invited to a wedding in September. This will be my second wedding.
None of my friends are married yet.
I often wonder who will be first.
Not me, I don’t think.
I have three godchildren. Toni, Lucy’s daughter (my ‘official goddaughter’), Ben, my friend Marina’s son (though I haven’t seen them for ages) and Molly, my friend Chrissie’s daughter (who I never see, Tank Girl is also her godmother).
I feel I could be a much better godmother. But people drift apart and don’t see each other for long periods of time, it is hard. Toni is nearly nine. She’s funny and shy and a bit grumpy.
I LOVE grumpy people.
I also love sarcasm. It’s the highest form of wit… (And the lowest form of intelligence, I know, I know)
I miss my cat Matilda. She dies last year. She was fat, smelly and moulted all over the place but she was mine. She got cat AIDS and died. I kid you not.
I never even knew cat AIDS existed, did you?
I have never had a facial. Or a bikini wax.
There is no way I’d be comfortable waving my twinky around in the air. In the name of beauty or otherwise. Ugh.
I am convinced Doctor’s receptionists go to a special rude school to learn how to be so fierce.
I wish I could go there!
I wish I got paid to be rude to customer’s all day. Maybe I should become a dominatrix.
My old friend Lou became a dominatrix. She got paid £80 an hour to beat Chinese businessmen. Nice.
John Waters (Director) used to work in a clothing boutique where his boss used to encourage her staff to be rude to customers. How fabulous.
I believe I can fly.
I believe I can touch the sky.
I really loathe R. Kelly.
I consider myself non-judgemental, while secretly judging others. Celebrities though, not my friends, they can pretty much do anything and I won’t judge their decisions. But Celebrities are there to be torn apart.
I used to worry I was a lesbian because I had no interest in boys and sex. I thought: Well, if I don’t like boys and they don’t like me I must be a lesbian!
And then I used to worry myself sick about how I was going to kiss boys when the time came.
I was ok though.
My first kiss was in Paris, with a Scouser. I forget his name.
I hope I haven’t repeated anything from the last list.
Hurrah! My last one! My last thing about me will be: I lost my virginity to my bicycle – aged about seven. (I’ll allow you to work the rest out…)
(I couldn't be arsed to number them but there are 100)
